sitting at the exact same spot all day everyday

ayaw ko yata ng formatted blogs.

2006-06-13T22:29:00.000+08:00

shiznick. may tula ako:

title: tastes like chicken

woke up today with a mouthful of blood
good thing i've got quite a tolerant gut
peculiar nothings sure occur a lot
it seems pretty weird but im sure its not

a crappy poem for a crappy day
makes me wanna wish for a holiday
a scabbing wound from a terrible itch
i just wish it'd stop making me twitch

i want to sit somewhere really really high
a tower perhaps,or a spire near the sky
oh wow this is starting to sound a bit nice
just have to find words that sounds like ice

im tired and bored and sleepy and down
im typing my misery up to the last noun
expand and explode i just might implode
or drown in this nonsense that looks like a poem

end.

ang galing galing...today i rest cos tomorrow i draw...whole day...tech drawing....urgh...

galit ako kay chicken little. masyado ciang maangas. akala mo alam nya lahat ng bagay pero bagsakin naman sa skwelahan. pota ka chicken little. kung nakasusugat lang ang mga salita, wala nang matitirang parte mo para ilibing. isa kang hyperactive ultra feeling know-it-all na bobo naman. isa kang pathetic na taong nakikiangkas lang sa waves ng swerte. kung ako si thor, kikidlatan ko ang kwarto mo upang iligtas ang mga kasambahay mo mula sa iyong ultra kayabangan. nagmukhang humble si sir six balls sayo. (kung naguguluhan na kayo e contakin nyo sina batchik, ty or joe).

lumabas na ang galit ko...kaya tama na hehehe

i hate chickens!!! nanggaya ka pa ng salamin!

entry 6 : mood swings, guilt passing , and other stupid things that couples do just to get to each other

2006-06-01T17:40:00.000+08:00

discussion:

with such a long title, im amazed that i could still think of a lot of things to say. its a wonder how two people who tell each other that they're important, tend to lash out on each other over things that don't really matter. egotists like myself tend to self destruct...too bad we're made of combustible glass shards that turn into machinegun projectiles...emotional shrapnel with armor piercing, heat seeking claw spikes. its an ugly feeling for everyone. much like most wars, both parties think that they're actually winning but what they dont realize is that the downside is in itself having casualties regardless of whose side they're on. i guess people never really outgrow "childish"-ness (if there's such a word).

application:

stop and think about the damage you're causing to your partner and to yourself

recommendation:

-try and grow up.
-when things start to get out of hand, its time to stop
-swallow ur pride and say sorry

-out

ps>>> its always good to follow one's own advice. get ready to be swallowed pride.

entry 5 : first day jitters

2006-05-31T23:00:00.000+08:00

discussion:

leche. may pasok na ko bukas. pero ayokong maging focus ng blog ko ang buhay ko. ituon natin ang ating atensyon sa isyu ng unang araw ng klase at ang kalakip nitong "anxiety". eto na:

siguro naranasan na ng nakakarami ang tinutukoy sa entry na to. ung feeling na excited kang pumasok pero at the same time e nagngangalit ang cells ng katawan mo dahil sa anticipated na work load. nung elementary, magkahalong takot at excitement mainly dahil sa mga kaklase. takot na takot ako noon na baka maging kaklase ko si pardeep girn dahil mahilig ciang mamahid ng kulangot (pero nakita ko cia about a year ago, di naman na cia siguro namamahid ng kulangot). excited akong makita ulit ung mga kaibigan ko kahit na di ko na sila maging kaklase. andyan sina nico oleta na naging kaklase ko mula grade 1 hanggang first year high school yata, si jacktot (christian jacinto) na ciang nagturo sakin magbakat ng drawing ng aso mula sa religion book (kaya ko nakilala ang image art), sina ernest flaminiano na hanggang ngayon e bespren ko pa din, sina albert paz at jp anareta na kasabay ko pang napilit kumanta sa stage ng "huling el bimbo" nung grade 3. anyway, nagdedeviate na ko sa topic at sobrang haba na. tama na to.

application:

wala naman...wala ka naman kasing magagawa sa first day kundi pumasok o kaya e magiwan ng masamang first impression sa pamamagitan ng pag absent sa unang meeting.
parang kamatayan ang first day of classes...kinakatakutan ng marami, pilit tinatakasan ng iba, at sinasalubong ng maluwalhati ng mga mapapalad na nakaintindi at nagenjoy sa mga aral ng buhay/last term. gandang analogy. damned im good.

recommendation:

-ugaliing pumasok sa first day dahil baka kailanganin mo balang araw ung i-a-absent mo sana sa first day mo.
-maghanap ng mga kakilala sa first day para may kasabay kang maglunch at magpetition ng subjects dahil 15 units ka pa lang (19 ang regular load)
-matulog ng maaga kung 7am ang unang klase mo
-matutulog na ko.

-out!

entry 4 : ang misteryo ng "mooner" boys

2006-05-30T08:47:00.000+08:00

**may isa pang entry sa ilalim ng entry na to**

prologue:

naglalakad ako kahapon sa subdivision pauwi sa bahay namin. may dumaang kotse sa kalyeng dinadaanan ko. may napansin akong gumagalaw sa right side peripheral ko. di ko pinansin.

nananahimik akong naglakad patungo pa din sa bahay ng biglang may sumutsot (psst psst) sakin. di ko napigil sa paglingon ang ulo ko. putcha may dalawang bata at ang susunod na mga pangyayari ay talaga namang nakakasindak!

I GOT FUCKIN MOONED!!!!!!

discussion:

mooning - act of displaying one's bare buttocks by lowering the back side of one's trousers and underpants, usually without exposing the genitals. (for complete article visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mooning)

ginagawa ang mooning as a sign of disrespect at para na rin sa shock value. pero nakakatawa kasi ung kahapon dahil mga batang inosente naman ung nag"moon" sakin. tawa lang sila ng tawa habang winawasiwas nila ung pwet nila sa line of sight ko. nakakatawa nga e kasi medjo badtrip ung init ng araw tapos biglang mamoomoon ka ng mga batang makulit kaya napawi ung bad mood ko :D

application:

kapag malungkot, humanap ng mooners (o kaya e dumaan ka dito sa street na dinaanan ko) siguradong matatawa ka :D

recommendation:

-kung may alam kang "mooning" spot kung san may mga batang mooners, ipaalam sa kinauukulan
-bumili ng mooner cage at hulihin ang mga nakikitang mooners na nakakatuwa
-gawing pet ang mooner para pag depressed ka e hahagisan mo lang ng hopia at presto! instant saya :D
-wag magpapahuli sa bantay bata 163
-pag nahuli, i-deny.

-out!

entry 3 : bakit magulo ang buhok pagkagising?

2006-05-30T08:31:00.000+08:00

discussion:

ang ulo ng isang bedhead ay parang talahibang pinagdiscohan ng tatlong bagyo. magulo. bakit tuwing nagigising ako e magulo ang buhok ko? nakakapagtaka kasi e. dahil kaya sa paraan ng pagkakahiga? dahil kaya magulo ako matulog? dahil kaya marami akong iniisip? dahil kaya mahaba na ang buhok ko? maraming pwedeng dahilan, wala nga lang akong mapaniwalaan.

application:

ano bang moral lesson ang pwede dito....hmm....teka...

**loading**

aha. ang paggising na magulo ang buhok ay maihahalintulad sa tanong na "pinapairal ba ng fate and buhay ko o kaya ko bang ibahin ang mga bagay na mangyayari?". bakit kamo? dahil destiny natin na gumising na sadyang magulo ang buhok, pero may choice kang maligo (o magbasa man lang ng buhok) bago umalis ng bahay para walang makaalam na na-bedhead ka.

recommendation:

**the bed head frequency experiment**

steps:

-mag setup ng video camera with tripod sa kwarto mo
-itutok sa kama
-pigilan ang sarili sa pag gawa ng sarili mong version ng la salle sex scandal
-subukang matulog kahit may nakatutok na camcorder sayo
-paggising bukas ay pansinin kung bedheaded ka
-magtoothbrush ka muna
-panoorin ang video upang malaman kung ano ang sanhi ng bedheadedness at kung may nagmumulto sa kwarto mo
-magcomment sa post na ito hehe

-out!

ENTRY 2: ANG MISTERYO NG PANTALONG MAHABA

2006-05-28T17:55:00.000+08:00

discussion

marami ka bang kaibigan? mababait ba sila? alam ba nila kung san nakakabili ng pantalong sakto ang haba? hindi din? we're all fucked.

nakakainis ang mga pantalon na RTW (Ready To Wear para sa mga ngaun pa lang tinutubuan ng utak **jokes**). lagi na lang sobra ang haba ng mga pantalon sa mall at sa mga retail shops. siguro sadya iyon para magkaron ng allowance para sa mga ultra tangkad na tao, pero hassle pa din. dapat kasi, mag survey sila ng average length ng lower bodies ng mga mamimili para makakuha sila ng data na pwede nilang aralin (o ipaaral) sa R&D (Research and Development) ng company nila. ilang pantalon na ang naluray ang laylayan dahil sa kakasayad sa semento pag naglalakad. madalas nakakadapa pa ang laylayan ng pantalon dahil mahaba nga. leche cake. bothered ako kapag ka dinaan lang sa tupi ung laylayan para hindi sumayad. nakakaconcious dahil maya maya lang e loose nanaman ung tupi. baka iniisip mo naman na pandak ako kaya ang haba ng mga pantalon ko para sakin, pero hindi, mali ka, hindi ako pandak, mali ka. hehehe mali ka!!!

application:

ang moral lesson ng mahabang pantalon e ito: matuto kang gumawa ng paraan dammit! kung hahayaan mong maging sagabal sa buhay mo lahat ng pantalon mong mahaba ang laylayan e wala kang mapapala! basahin mo ang recommendation para magka-idea ka.
sabi nga,

"..walang pantalong sobra ang haba para sa weird fashion sense ni jolina.."

recommendation:

tutal nababanggit na lang rin naman si jolina, unahin na natin ung solusyon nya sa mahabang pantalon.

-gumamit ng paperclip para ma-secure ang tupi ng laylayan ng pantalon
-kung walang paperclip, pwde ding gumamit ng iba pang office/school supplies tulad ng stapler, tape, clip na pang secure ng lettering guide etc.
-kung may pardible ka, mas mahusay...pero kung may pin ka, mas mas pinaka mahusay!
***ingatang matusok ang ugat sa may tendon mo dahil baka mamatay ka sa blood loss***
-ipatabas mo sa "adjustment" section ng department store na pinagbilhan mo (meron sa mga ROBINSON's MALLS **biased**) pero may bayad nga lang.
-ipatabas mo sa nanay mo (kung hindi cia ultra busy gaya ng nanay ko)
-ipatabas mo sa lola mo pagdating nya galing sa nueva ecija (bukas na dadating ung lola ko kaya maaayos na ung lonta ko..bahala ka na dun sayo.)

antiyaga mo magbasa.

salamat sa dalaw!

magiwan ng comment para may "thanks you" kang matanggap.

word of the day: "manok"

-out!

entry 1: ang misteryo ng hopyang baboy

2006-05-27T18:14:00.000+08:00

discussion:

maraming klase ng hopia. may ube, mongo, ube macapuno, langka, etc...pero ang paborito ko talaga e ung hopiang baboy. ewan ko ba kung bakit tuwang tuwa ako sa lasa nun..nakakatuwa ung hopia na un dahil sa lahat ng hopia, un lang ung sinungaling. sinungaling dahil hopia baboy cia kahit wala namang kahit anong gawa sa baboy sa loob nun. chewy ang hopiang baboy. may mga hopiang baboy na parang may niyog sa loob..ung parang crystalized niyog bits na ubod ng tamis pag hinimay mo at kinain mo nang solo, ansarap! may murang hopiang baboy. ung mga hopia na kinakain ng mga trabahante sa construction tuwing break sa hapon, hopiang baboy un! ung tig dodos pesos lang. mura at masarap itambal sa pop cola. minsan nga lang, malas, kasi matigas ung "shell" nung hopia baboy. pansinin ang mga ngipin ng mga construction worker..ang ilan ay sira (marahil dahil sa hopiang matigas). masarap ung hopiang baboy na original from ongpin. talagang dadayuhin mo.

application:

kung may isang stereotype na tao na pwede mong itulad sa hopiang baboy, e iyon ay yung mga pamacho effect na tatay. ang hopia at ang p.e.t. (pamacho effect tatay) ay magkatulad dahil parehas silang mukhang matigas at makunat, pero sa totoo ay malambot at may sweet inside din pala. minsan mahirap i-appreciate ung pagiging callous (F7 spell check) ng hopia at ng tatay, pero sa tingin ko e isa iyon sa mga karakter na nagbibigay ng "interesting side" sa hopia at tatay. ung palaman ng hopia ay hindi nakakasama sa kumakain nito (maliban na lang kung ultra diabetic ka) kaya ibig sabihin e hindi ka dapat magtampo sa tatay mo kahit minsan e may nakakagat kang matigas sa hopia dahil un ung tinatawag na "tough love" (nalilito ka na ba sa analogies?).

recommendation:

>kumain ng hopia
>bumili lamang ng hopia sa mga suking bakery/panadero para maiwasan ang matigas na crust
>masarap ang hopia at cola pero masama ang paginom ng cola araw araw
>tanungin ang sarili kung anung tipong hopia ang tatay mo
>ipasalubong ang hopia sa pamilya
>magsulat ng komento tungkol sa article na to (ehehe)

hanggang sa muli hopia fans

^_____^

andaming langgam!!!!!

2006-05-27T18:08:00.000+08:00

chanan! kamusta na mga bata?! (kuya boji)

rock on. buhay nanaman! back to blogging...

hmmm...where to start...

sabi sa isang libro:

"live in the present, learn from the past, plan for the future."

unahin ung plan for the future...

im gonna be starting this new trend for my blog...gagawin kong parang "wonder" blog tong blog ko.."wonder blog" dahil puro mga tungkol sa mga bagay bagay na nakapagtataka ung isusulat ko..mga tipong topic tulad nito: "bakit maraming langgam sa kwarto ko?"

who am i even talking to?

anyway, ayun. kaya sige. go!

^_____^

failure (original)

2005-10-11T00:27:00.000+08:00

tangina walang masulat.

natutuwa ako. kanina. masaya e. masaya talaga. pero nakakatakot...anung mangyayari? san pupunta? kelan? hanggang kelan? bakit ngaun? bakit minsan meron? minsan wala..bakit ganun? tanong tanong tanong. parang lokohan. daldalan tungkol sa wala. walang nagpupumiglas para maging isang bagay na importante. bagay na gugustuhing matuloy. tuloy tuloy. walang putol. walang sala. walang hinto. derederetso. walang sagabal. kung meron man, susuungin. ipagwawalang bahala ang lahat ng harang. hindi kasi ganun kadali. bakit walang madali? bakit laging may prayoridad? hindi pwedeng basta makuha ang gusto. hindi nadadaan sa pandaraya at pagnanakaw ang lahat ng bagay. may iilan. pero wala ni isa doon ung mga bagay na talagang mahalaga. walang kausap. alam kong yun lang talaga ang gusto ko. kausap. dahil mayabang ako. tama si tyler durden. papakinggan ka lang kapag akala nila'y patay ka na bukas. bakit laging ganun? lagi na lang bang mawawalan ng saysay ung mga bagay na gusto kong isulat? walang pakialam ang kahit sino. walang pakiramdam ang kahit ano. bulag. pipe. binge. yan ang mundo natin. isang malaking tangina. nakakatakot mamatay pero walang nakaisip na nakakatakot ding mabuhay. siguro iyon ang kaibahan ng tanga sa taong grasa. ung tanga, takot sa kamatayan dahil sa buhay na walang kasiguraduhan, ung taong grasa, takot sa buhay dahil may naaaninag na kalayaan sa substance at marahil pati sa nalalapit na kamatayan. bakit walang sumisilo sa gulo? bakit walang harang pagdating sa gulangan, katamaran, dayaan, at manipulasyon? nasaan ang institusyon ng disiplina na ginugusto ng lahat pero walang naglalakas-loob na magsimula? bakit puro ako salita? wala pa rin naman akong nagagawa. puro dada...wala namang gawa. iyan ang buhay ng tao. ang magbato ng pangako sa ulap..at ano ang kapalit? malagkit na ipot sa mukha. masyado tayong takot. takot sa lahat ng bagay. ginawa tayong ganito. mabubuhay, magtataka, mamatay. kaya kung nagtataka ka rin, pare, hindi ka nag-iisa.

tangina diba?

magkapaan tayo ng anino sa dilim.

bawal magsalita..........shhhh....tahimik lang.............

-eLiv

warning: explicit content

2005-10-06T23:52:00.000+08:00

PUTANGINA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UNG MGA TAONG MAHINA ANG TOLERANCE SA ANGER AT PROFANITY PWEDE BANG MAGDASAL NA LANG KAYO NG NOVENA SA BANYO NYO!!! WAG BABASAHIN TO TANGINA!!!!!

siguro naman klaro na yan.

its been a while...masarap magsulat sa familiar space (e actually, familiar pa rin naman to dahil pareparehas lang naman ang blogger "create post" screen.

FEU TAMARAWS! UAAP 2005 champs! WOOHOO!!!! go go go! :D betting a hundred bucks on the fuckin team not only got me an extra hundred from the losing better, it also made me realize that i somehow have a sense of pride for my school. After the game, I felt that I really did belong to this new institution, an institution that at first seemed mediocre and crappy but later proved to be exactly what I needed, a place where I can focus on being a student, a place where no one fears nerds who've banded together and called themselves a "brotherhood", a place where the instructors focus on student growth rather than their sick-ass prides, at higit sa lahat, maraming kalaro ng counterstrike :D mababait ang new friends ko. un nga lang, nakakamiss ung iilang taong worth bisitahin ulit sa LB...si Leng, charlie, ej, gladys, si neil, sina DK, ang UP cells at pati na rin si Ferds na ciang nagluluto ng pinakamasarap na isaw sa buong mundo. sila LANG ang ayos sa UPLB. o cge pati si ma'am saniano (pol sci), si sir valencia (psych), sir lawas (calculus) at sir fesi (algebra't trigo). tama na.

ansarap sunugin ng ex ko (si lynet). anak ng tokwa. binasa nya tong blog ko tapos magtataka pa cia kung bakit may hurtful statements dito? sabi nga ni paris hilton: "LIKE...DUH!!!!" the point is, TANGINA ANO BA! BLOG KO TO!!! WALA KANG KARAPATANG SABIHIN SAKIN KUNG ANO ANG HINDI PWEDE DITO! HINDI NGA KO DINEDEMANDA NG WWW.BLOGGER.COM e! IKAW PA KAYA?!?!?! FUNK OFF!!!

***deep breaths***

anyway, na-control ko naman ang sarili, i calmly stated "go to hell bitch" in a nice and pleasant manner. pwede mong ipabasa sa pastor ung email ko at ang i-cocomment lang nya dun ay "impecable grammar my son" :D

hindi na ko galit sa kanya. im over her. everyone insists that its not that easy to get over something like that but actually, it was. kelangan mo lang magpunta sa ibang bansa at mag-interstate driving mula sa california hanggang sa canada for 2 weeks to get your mind off things. ciempre mahirap dati tangina! pero tapos na un...:D maligaya ko ngayun! nag pipingpong ako araw araw! pumapayat ako mga kaibigan! :D

at masaya ko dahil kaibigan ko na si miss natalia bautista :D salamat sa Diyos..amen :D

tumitino na ulit ang mga tao sa paligid ko :D unti unting nagkaka-kulay ang buhay :D hindi na ko walkind dead :D konti na lang.

nga pala, para sayo ex, nakakatakot ka kung naging zombie ka. gusto mo ng deretsuhan? eto: ur not even worth the time to think of something to say about (translation: sino ka ba?) tangina ang lup-het no? :D

babay! :D heeheehee :D

-eLiv ECSTATIC! :D

braintalk : entry 1

2005-08-20T00:20:00.000+08:00

inaalipin ako ng utak ko. tama. yun nga. kahit ngayon. kahit dati pa. ngayon mismo. sa puntong ipagsisigawan ko ang paghihimagsik laban sa kanya, cia pa rin ang nangingibabaw.

brain: tangina ang corny naman ng bungad mo.

oo nga e. leche. ang epal mo talaga. kahit kelan ka.

brain: e pano, sablay ka kasi humirit e. pati tuloy ako nagtutunog corny kapag ikaw ang nagsusulat. wag mong i-sabotahe ang dinidikta kong itatayp sayo gago.

opo master.

brain: wow, ambilis tumaas ng rate ng autism mo brod. kung iisipin mong maigi (at ako na naman ang gagawa nun), kinakausap mo lang ang sarili mo. mag-ingat ka dahil baka maging psycho schizo freakazoid ka nyan. sayang naman ako.

shet. nakakatakot nga un. ayokong magising na hindi na ako ako. diba ganun ung schizophrenia

brain: wow ang galing mong magspell. natutunan mo kay kresta yan e.

floozie. di ko na nga iniisip un e. wala ba tayong paguusapang may sense?

brain: onga e. lagi na lang latakwents tong mga sinusulat mo. sa site na lang na luma mo to i-post. mahiya ka naman. nagmumukha kong gago sayo e.

e gago ka naman talaga e.

brain: funk you. body ka lang.

shet ang hirap magisip ng central idea para sa series na to. tumulong ka naman.

brain: fine fine...

mas maganda yata kung iibahin natin ung takbo ng narration.

brain: oo nga. gawin na lang natin na magsasalita ako na parang kwinekwento ko lang sa kanila ung mga pinaguusapan natin. parang ganito:

kausap ko si alex kanina. as usual, hindi na naman nya alam kung ano ang gagawin nya sa buhay nya. gago kasi e.

brain: ano, ayos ba un?

masyado kang negative. wag ka na. ako na lang gagawa nyan. salamat sa idea.

brain: lagi naman e. reverse psychology.

loophole: ito ang kopya at iyon ang orihinal. swear.

2005-07-13T23:31:00.000+08:00

tanday parin ang unan
habang yapos ng kumot
ang damit ay lukot
ang diwa ay pagod

huni ng mga ibon
at ungol ng hangin
ang babati sa bagong araw,
araw na ayokong harapin

nilalambing ng umaga
ang mga matang tamad
inuudyok na gumising
at iwan ang lugar ng pangarap

nakita kitang muli
sa isang panag-inip
imaheng hindi tunay,
maganda ngunit panandalian

nakita kitang muli
at noon di'y sumaya
sumaya sa sandaling hindi tumatagal
sumaya ngunit nagunaw din

buksan ang mga matang mugto
saluhin ang luhang tumutulo
at ang nanumbalik na lungkot
ay salubungin ng pilit na ngiti't yakap

walang saysay ang buhay
kung walang kaibahan
kaya pawiin ang ngiti't tuwa
lasapin ang sarap ng lungkot at luha

dahil ito may matatapos din...

lilipas din...

lilimutin din...

gaya mo...

gaya ng panag-inip...

sabay kayong maglaho...

mabura sa diwa...

malunod sa kawalan...

at ako'y iwanan...

iwanang luhaan...

iwanang pagod...

iwanang giniginaw at baluktot...

iwanang malungkot sa talukbong ng kumot...

sadista ka.

"bedmarks"

-eLiv

the moment's saddest song

2005-07-11T14:29:00.000+08:00

Kings of Convenience - Cayman Islands

Through the alleyways
To cool off in the shadows,
Then into the street
Following the water.
There's a bearded man
Paddling in his canoe,
Looks as if he has
Come all the way from the Cayman Islands.

These canals, it seems,
They all go in circles,
Places look the same,
And we're the only difference.
The wind is in your hair,
It's covering my view.
I'm holding on to you,
On a bike we've hired until tomorrow.

If only they could see,
If only they had been here,
They would understand,
How someone could have chosen
To go the length I've gone,
To spend just one day riding.
Holding on to you,
I never thought it would be this clear.

hai...
its amazing how things just fit into place at times... i never imagined how much this song would affect me... its a gloomy gem... it found me and its breaking through... it makes me feel like opening my dam of tears and fears... such power... hai...

i think the song is about holding on to someone... holding on and never wanting to let go... unfortunately, nothing ever stays as it is... the next best option is to just enjoy the moment...

maybe that's love...

but i wouldn't know...
and if that IS love...
well...
then life is just another gloomy day...
maybe that's why some people just escape with death...
to love someone so much and then just let them slip away...
slipping away into nothing...
slipping without any other reason but to follow the natural order of things...
sometimes i even think that God is such a sadistic being...
to let people experience love and then let them lose it...
but in another light, maybe God is such a loving God....
letting those who have betrayed and disappointed him experience the only two significant experiences that matter...to love and be loved...

when will i ride that bicycle..

i wonder...

with every moment of my life i wonder...

"i never thought it would be this clear"

at it's core...peace in it's truest sense...

-floating...

-eLiv

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEBSITE!

2005-07-06T02:24:00.000+08:00

wow! its been a year! :D happy birthday to my site

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kahit wala gaanong etcheburetche
kahit wala gaanong flash
kahit wala gaanong dating
kahit wala gaanong time
kahit wala gaanong effect
kahit wala gaanong thought

mahal ko pa rin ang site ko. why?

dahil ito'y buhay. buhay ko. ako. ako pa rin.

as ruthie would say, "alex, conceited ka!" hahaha! :D

tama cia dun! :D

hahaha! :D salamat site! :D

-out!

-eLiv :D one year old blogger :D

ps>>> by the way, i've formulated a new kiler love line:

"iv been through hell and back when it comes to love, but still, after all that bullshit, i still cant figure it out, i guess when it comes to things like love, everything is a relative discovery. so if ur not too preoccupied with living ur life alone, i wouldn't mind asking you to come along, let's discover love, and life together."

naks ampoots! makalglag panty!

finally!

2005-07-02T01:39:00.000+08:00

wow! i got a flat 100 on an exam that i half expected to fail! :D wahoo! :D this is a real confidence boost :D

who am i kidding.

i knew the topic well cos i failed the subject back in UPLB. pero masarap paring isipin that i'd be exempted from doing the dreaded 20 problem assignments that ma'am rem hands out. ayos na rin :D

but dont get me wrong, masaya ko :D wahoo! one hundred! :D ashtig! :D

next quiz humanda ka! :D

hahaha! :D

-eLiv ecstatic!

ps>>

nga pala! :D i got a few messages sa friendster ko! :D amazing talaga! :D i hope things brighten up even more with the sudden occurence of things :D wahaha! :D sarap mabuhay! :D

an ode to ponks

2005-06-29T02:16:00.000+08:00

this post is a sad post.

here goes...

an ode to ponks.
(by me obviously)

out you go to the open world
mighty mp3 player of mine
thanks for the service
the entertainment
and the fun
you helped me through a lot my buddy
through insomnia attacks
induced by my fear of the dark
you sang to me in different tunes and different voices
ur so versatile
you glow a faint glow of assurance
you faltered only after i fall asleep
i wake up and change ur batteries everyday
cos ur circuits drain the batts out
dry to the core
u carry only a few songs
but they were my favorites none the less
u tumbled and crossed paths
with the floor many times
but u survived
you helped me through awkward train rides
you saved me from boring vacations
you spared me from dull transit times
and in between connection flights
i know that this poem sucks
but again it accentuates ur hidden trait
ur a loyal servant mp3 player ponks
cos even if i just thought of ur name at this moment lang,
u still never said a word
u never complained
u pulled me through thick and thin
sulit ka na rin. (wow rhyme un a!)
u were expensive back then (5000)
but every penny was worth it
im selling u now at half the price cos ur out dated and old
but i will treasure ur memory more than i treasure my exes
i know its not much of an honor
but ur an object and im just talking to myself
so that should do
i'll miss you ponks
kahit naka-iPod nako, di kita kakalimutan.
u have a special rockin nook inside my noisy cramped heart. astig.

sana madalas din maglinis ng tenga ung bibili sayo. ingat parati kaibigan.

-out...

-eLiv (sad)

strange strangers...

2005-06-28T18:50:00.000+08:00

hello world.

iv been exploring the world of chatting. it isn't as fun or as decent as it used to be. really disappointing. hai...

too bad...

the world is running out of sensible people...

i need to meet more...

maybe i should try blog hopping...

ash.

-out!

eLiv

champorado't tuyo

2005-06-26T11:34:00.000+08:00

mmmmm.... :D champ and fish value meal, aka champorado't tuyo.

masarap ang champorado't tuyo. the marriage of sweet and salty is a union made in heaven. the milk slides as the innate saltiness of the sun dried fish explodes in your mouth like the sudden burst of life in the spring.

one very fond memory that i have associated with champorado was during that faithful stormy afternoon. nung day na un, mom gathered all three of her kids (me, te mai and te farah kasi wala pa si ace nun). back then we lived in a small house. cozy. we felt like a family. i love my family. anyway, i was s o fuckin scared of the lightning, thunder and the occasional power fluctuations. i cried. mom hugged me. my sisters hugged me. we all hugged each other. (nasan si dad? well, he was fixing the ceiling leaks but if he wasn't preoccupied about taking care of our house and US in general, he would've been there huggin everyone too.) after the storm, mom called everyone to eat champorado and tuyo. i love my mom, i love my dad, i love my sisters, i love my family. champorado and tuyo reminds me of that special afternoon. a small middle class family gathered together to eat, talk, laugh, smile and share each others company. that afternoon we found solace in each other. a comfort that can never be replaced or substituted by anything. the warmth and the security that a whole and loving family brings.

maraming salamat sa taong nakaimbento ng champorado't tuyo. pinagpala ka.

ghost of you

2005-06-24T22:44:00.000+08:00

damned...man i feel so weak... im havin a sinus attack people... ugh...there's this girl..half korean, half cebuana...damned! she's gorgeous! makes me weak... at first it was all casual "hi im blah and blah blah blah" and then it stopped and flowed and stopped. malabo...

im so confused about it. who is she? i can't construct a valid/logical explanation for her sudden appearance in my life. what is she? is she real? am i too paranoid?

she told me that she was born in korea and raised here in the philippines. she also told me that she's studying HRM at the UNIVERSITY of CEBU. i looked it up. aba! it exists! the plot thickens!

anlabo talaga! damned! i couldn't stop looking at her! i have to focus! i have to get to the bottom of this! may conspiracy dito! hindi pwedeng basta basta na lang mangyari to! set up ito! sana naman wag BITOY's FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS! damned! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!?!?!?! eto na ba ang karma?! leche! all i could think about is spending more time with her! at this moment, 50% of my current brain capacity is focused on her. The other 50% is trying to figure out a way to prove that this is all just a bad prank.

if ever this isn't a wicked prank , i'd be the luckiest person alive.

but if it is, i'd even make my very own "i'm stupid" t-sirt.

i really hope she's real...
real enough not to hurt...

i sure could use a lil bit of omniscience right now.

the camera's time to shine :D

2005-06-22T21:35:00.000+08:00

this post is a tribute to the newest addition to my growing squad of seemingly useless but useful gadgets. it's my webcam. we all know it's uses. i just thought that maybe it's tired of always being the one assigned to take videos and photos (lagi ciang wala sa picture). i wouldn't want this newcomer to feel left out and unwelcome kaya pinicture-an ko.

oo na, wirdo na ko.

-out

-eLiv

ps>>> by the by, i'm still thinking of a name for all my gadgets...any suggestion? heto silang lahat

nokia 6600 (main phone)
nokia 3210 (ace phone)
ps1
ps2 (slim version)
bluetooth dongle
usb port extension
creative mp3 player
128mb flash drive
subwoofer system
pc microphone
tv
my pc
this pc
lamp
video cam
digital cam
acoustic guitar
electric guitar
white tiger stuff toy
mcFarlane lion

spinning scissors

2005-06-22T03:30:00.000+08:00

its 3:30am in the morning. talk about strong coffee! whew.

me, rem and ate mai went out for a cup o coffee. it was quite good. early morning entries are a bit harder to make...sheesh....

life's a bit too busy for me right now. reports, assignments, exams and all that crap are starting to take it's toll on me. I'm stressed, sleep deprived and bored. I wish my parents were here...I miss em. I've been lookin for a better distraction to life than studying. I'm running out of ideas at an alarming rate. I wish I could just talk to someone right now. a bit earlier i had a few tussles with a few people. it was a bit alarming and shocking but it's ok now. i guess there are things that are just too complicated for men to understand.

new friendster messages made me smile today. it's weird how people affect people even through a thick layer of anonymity. to tell you the truth, i'd give anything just to be able to talk to em. sensible, smart people are so hard to come by these days...too bad...

i really hope things turn up in my favor...sometimes i just feel so alone. uncomfortably so.

-out

-Live - eLiv

grrr

2005-06-20T14:19:00.000+08:00

"temper is the only thing that won't go away if you loose it"

i hate it when people catch me during my bad days. why? because i can't fuckin tolerate irritations during my bad days. i can't stand judgment or even mild mannered no harm intended jokes. i'm a fuckin time bomb set to 2.9 milliseconds during my bad days and i explode with a blast radius of epic proportions. damned fuck it! don't mess with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

grrrrrAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!

***deep breaths***

and today is one of those fuckin days.

the morning was terrible. the sister made me wait for nothing again. damn i hate waiting for people. my patience is as long as an ant's abdomen. when my boulder of anger rolls, it rolls hard and body counts rise at an exponential level. i'm a fuckin maniac when im angry.

im calmin down now.... whew....

argh!

-out.

eviL

hop hop hop hoppy hop

2005-06-16T17:23:00.000+08:00

blog hopping, friendster hopping, bunny hopping, window hopping, mall hopping, school hopping, hopping around, hopping for fun, hopping for hopping, hopping galore, hopping awake, hopping drive, hopping grasshoppers, hopping rabbits, hopping hopefuls, hopping homeless, hopping homarids, hopping gorgons, hopping dakila, hopping politics.

so many hopping activities, so little hopping time!

i found a new calling. i'm really getting to like the idea of hopping through people's profiles. most profiles are "normal" and some are even quite boring (the ones that haven't been well maintained). amusing din pala (not to mention stressful). i really like the idea of analyzing how people feel about themselves. some are vain, some are insecured, some are angry, some are in love, some are worried and afraid, some are so happy to be alive and some are rushing to their deaths. the common thing about profiles though is that people write them as if they know that it'll be read kahit na isa or dalawa lang naman ang friends nya. i guess each person really does have that intrinsic need to seek attention. in a way, blogging is just a way of seeking attention, mas serious nga lang. hmmm....nah...mas malalim naman ng konti ang blogging. intrapersonal kasi 'to.

enough analysis for now...

gotta study! achoo!!!! achoo!!! achoo!! achoo!!! i always sneeze four times.

-yowts!

Levitator eLivator

i just love the weather.

2005-06-15T18:07:00.000+08:00

yahoo! the weather is exactly how i want it to be...dark and gloomy :D

nice. really nice. cold winds, scary lightning and thunder, and heavy rain. i love heavy rain, specially when i'm inside my comfortably warm house :D

poem for the moment:

clouds weep thunder and lightning
as gentle winds spin turbulent
let the rain come to savor the moment
let the sky unleash it's sullen tears

heaven besieged in this night of nights
holy grace spilling beyond the lights
asylum doors welcome the tragic souls
prayers forlorn as the rainstorm falls

as for the massochist seeking refuge
from this thrashing maelstorm of late
may he bask in the moment's sorrows
as the world dims to the tempest's wake

the rain stopped. lech.

anyway...

-out!

-eLiv

our not so humble abode

2005-06-12T13:08:00.000+08:00

wow...i took a photo of our house's facade. ganda pala talaga...i myself was amazed!

it's a mystery how we often overlook the beautiful things around us just because they've always been there.

idol ko talaga si tatay dahil siya ang nagtayo ng bahay namin. it wasn't supposed to be this lavish, kaso naisip nila na the best advertisment is to use ur own products. engineer kasi si dad kaya nagtayo cia ng house na pang-advertise/tirahan namin. and tsanan! itong bahay na to ang kinalabasan...astig.

balang araw gagawa din ako ng ganito.

-out!

-eLiv

whims

2005-06-09T16:50:00.000+08:00

achoo.

hay...vacation is finally over. i have to admit that i still want an extension, i mean, who doesn't want that right? anyway, the first trime has already begun and nothing can stop it's catastrophical attack on my summer siesta life. i was so frustrated of the hassles that came with enrollment. plus i had my wisdom tooth removed at the time. damned that hurt. all's well now. i expected a lot of work for this term but i think i underestimated the subjects. major problems include fluid mechanics which requires a lot of effort cos of the paperwork, mechanics, again because of the paperwork, engineering surveys which appears to be a sleeper until it hits you hard in the balls and differential equations, the second to the last math subject taught by this freaky weird candid prof. forgive my grammar flaws. effects of stress.

must sleep....

zZzZzZzZzZz...

-out!

-eLiv

oh mother, where's father?

2005-05-13T11:44:00.000+08:00

pfft...

iv just been told that dean ureta has officially resigned. bummer. its a shame that he wont be around to teach me DESIGN. badtrip.

my dad is such an uptight boss. he's got the commanding presence but not in a friendly manner. sometimes i feel like a common helper boy. dont misunderstand me, i think thats a good thing. the discipline aspect should come in handy someday.

i had a discussion about the "bestfriend" label with z last nyt. i think it stirred her up a bit. our generation made the term so ambiguous that using the term now has become a tricky endeavor.

in my opinion, the term "bestfriend" in its true platonic sense, can only be used in situations which involve friends that are of the same sex. meaning, your TRUE bestfriend is a girl if u are a girl, and is a man if u are a man.

some common "bestfriend" relationships are:

1. busted guy who can't get over girl settles for being bestfriend
2. they got the right love at the wrong time, the convenience factor is a hindrance
3. they were good friends before, so after breaking up, the most convinient label for each other would be "bestfriend" and not EX
4. girl doesn't wanna hurt suitor
5. they're both afraid of commitment
6. boy (or girl) sees girl (boy) as a backup if ever his current gf (bf) dumps em. SHOCK ABSORBING RESERVES
7. girl is waiting for boy to break up with his gf. or boy is waiting for girl to break up with her bf. classic rebound
8. guy is gay
9. they're relatives, a cousin or somethin.
10. boy's childhood male buddy/bestfriend decides to trade-in his donger for a pie. transvestite. (creepy)

whew. labeling an opposite sex friend as a bestfriend is a cruel gesture. but then again, everything written here is an OPINION.

deal with it.

-out.

-eLiv

o-snap!

2005-05-03T12:09:00.000+08:00

nyahahaha! this is a compliance post. i really dont have anything to say so....

-out!

-eLiv

ps> i should be working. damned.

stay away if you dont want blood stains on ur favorite shirt

2005-04-23T16:01:00.000+08:00

burp.

just had a chicken fillet sandwhich, frosty, large iced tea and fries. sarap.

anyway, today started out bad. uber bad. woke up 10am with a new message alert from my trusty nokia 3210 smart phone. i half expected the message to be from who i thought it would be from. and it was from who i expected it to be from. (wow tricky tenses). it took a concious effort to suppress the frustration but i prevailed. a little steam got out though. i started to get pissed after this line:

"is that too much to ask? akala ko ok ka na. i still care"

nyak. as if i give a damned about how "caring" she wants to be. there i go again, being the fuckin frustrated bully that i am. no. i am not that. i am just angry. i hate being angry. i hate being angry because im not like that. im better at being cheerful and fun and light headed. she brings out my demons. sometimes i just wanna tell her every hurtful thought that i could muster but then pity steps on the brakes. we had so much before. i would've been her most reliable friend.

too bad.

JUST FUCKIN LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i wrote something for her during finals week:

fuck. i left it at home.

oh well. some other time then.

basta im frustrated right now. dont fuckin get in my way.

-out.

-eviL

ps:

> i quit my AUTOCAD job a day after my first day. screw them. they dont have the right to waste my fuckin time. nobody wastes my fuckin time.

>i cant train tux. he's just too stubborn to learn. damned dog. i still love em though.

>i havent been playing Final Fantasy lately simply because its too time consuming, plus i get intimidated by the thought of being unable to fully complete the game.

>MIDNIGHT CLUB DUB VERSION rocks.

>im a friggin workaholic. im working for dad.

my eyes hurt!

2005-04-18T17:28:00.000+08:00

hello kids! i know, i know, i said that i wouldn't be around for a while, but boredom got the better side of things so here i am.

kaput.

Last saturday was wicked man! hahaha! i got so fuckin wasted cos i was running around checkin on guests after shots of vodka, tequila and dead horse. grabe man, i had a blasted hangover. there were only about 25 people nung saturday. it was better that way. remo and emman weren't able to come. emman is such a poor liar. haha! kupal ung isang un. si remo nahiya yata kase he didnt have enough cash, pero dapat sumama pa rin siya.

nicole came. inaasar cia nung ibang CE. i cant quite understand why i feel a sense of chivalry whenever they pick on her. its not like im interested or anything but i really feel comfortable when she's around. its probably just the THEORY acting up. I didnt know most of the girls there. carmela was there too but she's not exactly a girl. hehe :D

charles was quiet. siguro naiilang. pero i knew that he could pretty much handle himself. ayos naman. masaya masaya. galing pala sa TEKKEN nun. ninyo was also there. nagkaligawligaw pa si tanga. hehe comedy. pero sarap din kwento. playboy pala un. hhaaha pero di na daw ngaun. stig.

hhhmmmmm, what else...nga pala, im gonna get my classcards tomorrow. sana may JEEP na. then i'll start working on wednesday. i have a feeling that im gonna regret that job. sana wag. sana may sweldo. 8am ung start daily. damned. =S im getting myself in trouble...

a basta! kaya un!

-out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-eLiv

ps>>>
i almost forgot. mom's planning to buy a new PC for herself (pero malamang ako pa rin ang gagamit nun! hahaha!) tapos magpapakabit na ng PLDT DSL! wahoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nice nice!
tsaka approved na nina ASHLEY at MITCH ung YM invite ko! :D
sings: sana, dalawa ang puso ko..... wakakakaka! :D

the mighty calcu gets a well deserved rest

2005-04-16T09:15:00.000+08:00

wahoo! exempted from surveying FINALS! :D nice nice!

anyway, hey kids i wont be able to "blog" as much cos its summer break (finally)

summer plans:

- TRAIN TUX

- SUMMER JOB (ALA Computer something - ACAD operator)

- REST

- BE A BETTER SWIMMER

- SLEEP MORE

- FINISH 5 PS2 GAMES

- REST MORE

- REST MUCH MUCH MORE

- SOUL SEARCHING

that's the list. hope i'd be able to accomplish at least two

good luck to me.

- summer out!

-eLiv

ps: if ever i get a job, id probably be able to continue blogging if they've got an internet connection.

sana.

till the next time we meet chows...

2005-04-15T16:14:00.000+08:00

chowder has been sold. sad...
inevitability has won yet again.
ugh...i felt really bad last night when we were trying to put him in a box. it felt as if a body part was being taken away. i like that dog. he's the last puppy sold. i liked that dog.

hai...writing about it just makes it worse...

sana makilala niya pa ko pag dinalaw ko cia..till next time chows...

-out...

-eLiv ~sad~

2005-04-12T13:35:00.000+08:00

Life concluded by a bunch of jumbled letters

I smiled a smile as wide as a rainbow
as i threw myself out the window
i was a bit surprised that i was still alive
after falling from such a considerable height

the broken glass tore up my skin
as soon as the wood went through my shin
the metal grills almost hit my thighs
too bad they went straight through my eyes

i found it a bit too hard to breath
after swallowing almost all my teeth
i guess enamel isn't that strong
teeth and rocks just dont go along

a while ago i was screaming in pain,
a natural reaction of a bleeding brain
whose bright idea was it anyway
to leave a rake right here where i lay

the rib cage is such a wondrous invention
with the noble task of organ protection
its supposed to guard my fragile heart
not wound it or pierce it or tear it apart

i think i dislocated one of my shoulders
after the collision with the garden boulders
now im shaking from a terrible trauma
so this is how it feels to enter a coma

now all i can see is a shiny bright light
with blotches of red and a tinge of white
no hard feelings, no regrets whatsoever
life is good but it doesn't last forever

-out!

-eLiv (12:30a-1:20am april 12, 2005)

ps>>> ung picture sa taas is my death's color.

the bestest dog in the world

2005-04-11T18:43:00.000+08:00

eto ang aso ko.
ang pangalan nya ay tux (tiger tux ang kanyang rehistradong ngalan).
isa siyang american bulldog.
mahal ko ang asong ito.

nakakatuwa si tux.
sobrang mabait at maamo.
malikot nga lang pag nakalabas dahil halos palagi siyang nakakulong.
mahal ko ang asong to dahil hindi cia papansin gaya nina keena, hershey at kimy.
tahimik lang cia sa isang tabi.
mahilig siyang tumitig sa kanyang amo.
mabagal siyang gumalaw gaya ko.
simple siyang kumilos dahil hindi cia insecure.
hindi nya kailangan ng gaanong pansin para mabuhay.
solb na cia sa pahiga-higa sa hawla at sa pag dila sa aking kamay.
mabait ang asong ito.
madali siyang paliguan.
hindi cia mabaho gaya ng nakararaming aso.
napaka-gwapo ng kapangitan niya.
it suits him very well.
matapang si tux kahit na tunog ipis ang tahol nya minsan.
dati nga nag-amok sia dahil hindi nya ako namukaan isang gabi.
akala nya magnanakaw ako kaya siya nagalit.
mapaglaro si tux.
hindi siya harot, pero minsan OA din dahil excited.
alam nya na mahal ko cia dahil hindi cia takot sa akin kahit na inaambaan ko cia ng palo.
ayaw nyang ginagamot ang sugat nya.
masokista cia dahil lumalabas ung THINGY nya kapag pinapaluan cia nang tatay ko ng langaw.
isa na rin siyang tito/tatay.
mabilis mapagod si tux dahil malaki cia.
nung nagpunta kami sa dogshow, behave cia.
hindi cia anti-social gaya ng ibang aso dahil hindi nya sila tinatahulan kahit na mailip sila sa kanya.
pasensyoso si tux.
hindi cia napipikon sa mga tuta, o kahit kay hershey.
magalang si tux at may respeto cia sa bisita.
hindi cia nangangagat kung hindi mo ko kakagatin.
halos kwadrado ang ulo ng aso ko.
tahimik si tux dahil hindi siya pala-tahol.
macho ang boses ni tux kapag galit cia.
malinggit ang boses nya pag nagpapa-awa.
gusto nyang kainin ang pamangkin kong si pio.
mahal niya ang pamilya namin.
mabilis siyang kumain.
gustong-gusto nyang kinakamot ang ilalim ng bibig nya (gaya ng nasa larawan).
hinding hindi ko siya ipagbibili.
mahal na mahal ko ang asong ito.
hinding hindi ko siya pababayaan.
kahit hindi ko siya lubos na naaalagaan, alam nya na hindi ko siya hahayaang mapahamak.
tumalon ako mula sa tumatakbo naming STRADA nung mapansin kong muntik na siyang masakal dahil sa pagkakabigti sa tali nya.
sinagip ko cia.
sinagip ko cia kahit mapanganib.
sinagip ko cia kahit na mapahamak ako.
sinagip ko cia dahil alam ko na kung ako ang nanganib at may magagawa cia, sasagipin nya rin ako.
sinagip ko cia dahil mahal ko cia.
mahal ko ang aso ko.
kung ganon lang ang pagmamahal, bakit pagdating sa tao, napaka-kumplikado?

isip.

(aba, naging tula. biruin mo nga naman.)

thrashed

2005-04-08T15:48:00.000+08:00

hehehe this is a test post from flickr. hehehe :D hope this works! this a mugshot from a drinking session with my cousins. stooped!

my ever present fear of the water

2005-04-07T14:35:00.000+08:00

I am afraid of the water.

When I say that I’m afraid of the water, I’m not referring to small puddles, rain, shower water, or crystal clear potable water. I’m talking about huge, vast, overwhelming amounts water. I could’ve just said that I was afraid of the ocean or of the sea, but “water” really hits the spot.

It’s an eerie fascination on my part to be deftly afraid of LBW’s (Large Bodies of Water). I can’t really describe the exact feeling, but it comes very close, asymptotic even, to helplessness. When I was a kid, I was so afraid of our huge water drum. I remember this one incident when I accidentally dropped the soap into that seemingly bottomless abyss of a drum. I got so scared of the thought of being asked to get it that I began to cry silently inside the bathroom. The fear of submerging my hand into that void was just so overwhelming that my primal instincts kicked in, causing me to run in panic out of our bathroom. It felt like seeing the gates of hell.

Most people enjoy the sea, the ocean breeze, the therapeutic effects of saltwater, the sand in their shorts. I, on the other hand, despise it. My body even reacts automatically to the slightest hint of a beach outing by instantly coming up with an alibi not to go. But alas, no alibis work against the mighty will of my parents and their promise of a so-called quality family time which will only end up as being this bizarre scene where I endlessly whine while mom barks orders, dad discourses his views of life, ate and bayaw argue about some insignificant affair and ace and ate mai enjoy the water and their innate indifference. The last time that I was dragged to one of these outings wasn’t any different. I promised myself that I absolutely would not jump into the water. And as the saying goes, promises really are meant to be broken. With goggles on my eyes, and fear in my heart, I leapt into the water, I entered hell. As much as I am fascinated with man’s ingenuity and scientific achievements, I couldn’t help wondering how good it would feel to pound the hell out of the person who invented goggles. I fuckin saw the seafloor and it didn’t help one bit. I was so scared that I climbed onto the floating house with haste brought about by absolute terror. Being underwater shook me. It felt like being swallowed alive by a gargantuan beast. I was in despair, I felt sad, scared, helpless, I got a taste of death and it’s bitterness haunts me till this day. That was the third time in my adult life that I cried out of fear (the other two times are not related to water).

So I guess I really am hydrophobic, hydrophobic in a mild sense. But as much as I would like to blame the water for the intense fear that it triggers in me, I know that fear is still just fear and that water isn’t really what I fear but rather, it’s just the key that opens my “doom” box. The realization bit helps, but I’d prefer having someone get rid of my water demons. Think John Constantine.

-out!

-eLiv ~scared~

who's next indeed?

2005-04-05T15:09:00.000+08:00

wow. iv been delaying again. last thursday pa pala ung last post.

anyway,

~friday~
friday wasn't anything special. in fact, it was a bit crappy. PE finals. stupid dance was over before anyone took notice. haha, all that practice ended up being insanity food.

~saturday~
saturday was the big TAGAYTAY surveying day. the fuckin bus was so crappy that u'd have to go through hell to appreciate the cramped space allotted (tama daw spelling according to welshmerks) for each person. damned. my legs killed me that day. arrived at the subdivision a few minutes over the expected time of arrival. we went right to it.

i was a bit irritated because of the "excitement" of one of my group mates. bad trip dude. he was like "ako na dito, ako na, do that, do this, blah blah". It shocked me. I didnt think that he'd have the nerve. But it didnt really stir anything up, until he made a fuckin mistake. we had to repeat three full procedures just to acquire the correct data. damned. he layed off after what he did. I became the leveler/slash/tapeman. the sun didnt cooperate and the tagaytay winds were on a day off that day. end result? burned skin, sweaty shirt and blood stricken nose.

good thing that everyone wasn't as fucked up. i guess everyone still had fun cos sir godo was trippin at tristan's expense. haha. it was a hefty laughin trip indeed. tamang stress reliever. i really enjoyed the company that day. we headed for the bus as soon as the last group finished their activities. tired, dirty and hungry, we headed straight for people's park (im not really sure if this was indeed the place) to eat. I headed out with adulfo as soon as the we were let out. I would soon regret this move. Washed ourselves clean and then went out to find food. I wandered aimlessly at that fuckin park. I was lookin for some people kaso i wasnt able to find them. soon enough though, someone told me that the people i was lookin for had a few drinks kaya pala nawala. damned! i thought, tanina sayang! ansaya sana nun! fucked up.

went home at 4pm. the bus ride home was mildly entertaining. i forgot how sick i was. nino was playin tricks with everyone's IQ while nicole and I had a friendly chitchat bout a lot of senseless things. I was barely thinkin the whole time cos I was preoccupied with the fuckin headache. pero it was fun. learnded a lot and really did enjoy the company.

went straight home after arriving at FEU.

tried to rest ASAP. but then i remembered the subic trip that was scheduled for sunday. damned. didnt wanna go so i decided to be sick that night. hehe. tricks.

~sunday~
woke up late after a good night's sleep. sarap. after doin the usual shit, i decided to be a good boy and start working on my surveying plan. that's that. we went to podium in the afternoon. nothin special. ate shabu shabu.

~monday~
typical day, studied till 12:30 midnight for my surveying quiz at 7:45 the next day.

~tuesday~
yikes. today is tuesday. i woke up at 8:00am. fuck. i'm not gonna make it. i didnt make it.

blah.

yahoo rocks men.

that's that.

-out!

-eLiv

ps> bought myself a flash drive. cool din.

tum - tu - tum - tums!

2005-03-31T15:38:00.000+08:00

my tummy is aching! fuckin chicken's causing a commotion in my innards. fuck.

man, i just had my last calculus exam for the trime! wahoo! no more studyin' math for me! (sa finals week na ulit!) meep-meep!

FF x-2 is approaching the end. iv already got most of the important items but i still have ta explore some shit. i need to challenge the most ruthless monster in spira. wonder who or what that is. sorta like omega weapon of past final fantasy titles. talk about challenging.

i wanna start writing really important stuff but whenever i feel like starting, the sloths inside me protest like hell. damned.

i aint in tiptop blogging mode right now so this is it for today.

-out.

-eLiv

lenten misadventures

2005-03-28T12:33:00.000+08:00

due to insistent (not to mention imaginary) public demand, im gonna make kwento of the events that happened last week (holy week).

here goes:

HOLY MONDAY (they should name it maundy monday)
-last monday was a normal school day. i came in late for caltri but the quiz was cancelled anyway so it didnt matter much.
-envisci sucked as always.
-went straight home and played FFx-2.
-end of day

HOLY TUESDAY (they should name it tassled tuesday)
-holy tuesday was a tiring. first class was higher surveying. sir mendoza told us that our TOPOGRAPHIC MAP (a topographic map is a scientific chart which illustrates the characteristics of a tract of land by plotting its contours with reference to each elevation's intercept on the imaginary grid lines). He told us that the finished topo map was to be submitted the next day. the topo map required 200+ computations. all computations were to be shown and submitted together with the plotted topographic map. all computations were to be HANDWRITTEN.
-due to the shocking assignment, i was forced to absent myself from the only class i had that day, PE.
-i went to NBS-D (national bookstore-duh?!) to buy some drawing stuff.
-i went to ate's ("ate" refers to the bantay at the PS2 place where we usually play) to acquire a save file for FF-X.
-then i went straight home to work.
-began computing at 11am.
-had a short break to eat and watch a few scenes from a movie
-i finished all computations at 1am. brushed my teeth, washed my face, and then collapsed to sleep.

HOLY WEDNESDAY (they should call it wednesday of woe or wailing wednesday)
-woke up, took a bath, got ready to go to school
-ride to school
-arrived at school a few minutes earlier than usual
-began plotting my topo-map points.
-charles ty had already plotted the contours of his topo map. the two of us were the only students who were able to finish all computations.
-sir godo mendoza arrived to inspect our topo maps.
-plotting continued up to 11am. the class was dismissed on time. charles was the only person to finish.
-sir godo extended the deadline up to march 29, 2005 (tuesday after holy week). bummer.
-went home tired. rem borrowed some games. i waited for ernest to arrive
-ernest and i hung out at the mall. didnt catch a movie. had coffee. played billiards till 7:30pm.
-ern went home shortly after dinner. it was nice to have had the chance to talk again after a while. sana lang kasama namin sina ed at jae.
-FFx-2
-sleep.

MAUNDY THURSDAY (troubled thursday sounds better)
-cant recall anything important
-spent almost the entire day playing FFx-2
-slept at 4am.

GOOD FRIDAY (faithful friday)
-FFx-2 early in the morning
-fixed myself an ice-cold irish cream coffee (habang wala pang alas-tres)
-playing
-its 3pm already. stopped playing for a while to think.
-stopped playing.
-biyernes santo finally sinked in.
-slept a few hours later.

HOLY SATURDAY (sad saturday)
-went to tanay to waste my time.
-wasted my time in tanay
-i saw my mountain once again. "my mountain" is a literal phrase. i own a mountain.
-went to church to attend easter mass
-played FFx-2 till the wee hours of midnight
-sleep

EASTER SUNDAY
-enjoyed a hefty breakfast at marikina hotel.
-went home
-ps2
-jam
-ps2
-jam
-movie
-dinner
-jam
-sleep

finally. its 1pm. time to go check on my lisensya.

how was YOUR holy week?

-out

-eLiv

wahoo!

2005-03-18T11:06:00.000+08:00

yes! finally, my template is in working condition. its not in its optimal state but its working quite fine. cool ryt? nice nice haha!

leche! anlamig dito! brrr..............

nothin's new. my bday passed without me noticing. parang wala lang. i guess i really am growing OLD. haha!

dramatic ung nasa profile ko. nyahahaha snap!

nothin else.

-out!

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

2005-03-15T12:17:00.000+08:00

the site is under construction.
still have to modify the template.

bare with me.

-out!

eLiv.

the justice system really sucks

2005-03-11T09:07:00.000+08:00

my birthday is fast approaching. i only need a few big ones before i get enough to buy myself a PS2. childish whim, but i ain't gonna be hypocritical about it. everything seems well.

i almost forgot.

last night, judge Quimbo called. For everyone's benefit, Judge Quimbo is the owner of the stupid Honda Accord that I accidentally crashed with a few weeks back. The fuckin old fart was askin for 10,000php for the repair costs. damned. due to this, i probably wont be able to throw a decent party. i feel bad about it but i guess its just the karma kicking in.
badtrip.

i just had an exam on HIGHER SURVEYING. it's grade on the difficulty scale (1 being easy and 5 being hard) is right in the middle of 0.5 and 1. not even challenging. (nyabang.). the departments are planning on giving summer classes. that would be a good thing.

im not my usual fun self today. must be the PRE-birthday syndrome.

hmm.............

...
...

-out...

-eLiv

insecticide

2005-03-03T16:02:00.000+08:00

my toes hurt. damned fire ants. its not as itchy as i expected it to be, so i guess that's a good thing. hai nako. birdthday ko na next next week. i aint got no hobbies right now but i'm thinkin of buying a PS2. anlupit kase nung "DEVIL MAY CRY" at nung "GUNGRAVE" and then i remembered na the PS2 console could also play DVD's. great huh? :D

**intermission**
naglalandian ung mga katabi ko dito sa e-Lib. ew. get a fuckin room assholes.
tangina talaga. anlapit lapit lang nga bagong SOGO HOTEL dito e. 200php lang. sana wag na silang maglandian dito. kadiri e.

brrrr................jeepers creepers.......buti sana kung chick, kaso hindi e... tsk tsk

nag-log-out na. di na siguro nila kinaya ang Libido.

tsk tsk...

continuing...

i've got a class at 4pm. punta na ko dun. wish i had more time.

news: i've already come up with a few sketches para sa "BLOG" coffee house slash bar ko. sana matuloy. im still thinkin bout different names. BLOGSPOT sounds ok. suggestions are always welcome.

-out!

eLiv

the expensive lifestyle of bored luxurious kids

2005-03-02T10:37:00.000+08:00

hai hai hai kumpadres.

i want a new look for my site. i have to admit that it looks really boring nowadays. fuckin stale. anyway...

i sold the main components of my magic : the gathering decks yesterday. i sold them without any concrete reasons. i was intimidated by the fact that i didn't attend two classes just to play. guilt. hai, once again i am a hobbieless bored single. i used the moolah that i got from the cards to buy a few more drinks to upgrade my bar at home..expenses breakdown :

(scope: from the start of the bartending thing to the present)
costs are only rough estimates

1 bottle el hombre tequila .............................. 120 php
2 cans of pineapple-orange juice ................... 80php (4ophp each)
2 bottles of gilbey's vodka .............................. 260php (130php each)
2 bottles kahlua ............................................... 1030php (515php each more or less)
1 bottle bailey's irish cream ........................... 650php
1 bottle mark's & spencer irish cream .......... free (cousin's donation)
1 bottle cointreau ............................................. 950php (ouch)
2 bottles lime .................................................... 60php (30php each more or less)
1 bottle drambuie ............................................. free (it had been aging in the wine rack for ages)
1 bottle martini (vermouth) ........................... free (it had been hangin out with drambuie)
6 bottles of wine ............................................... free (giveaways)
1 bottle fundador brandy ................................ free (cousin's donation)
1 bottle blue curacao ........................................ 150php
1 bottle triple sec .............................................. 150php
1 bottle coffee liquer ......................................... 150php
1 bottle banana liquer ....................................... 150php
1 bottle tanduay white rum ............................. 80php
1 bottle calamansi juice .................................... 40php
1 bottle apple juice ............................................ 40php
1 bottle grenadine ............................................. free
1 bottle remy martin cognac ........................... free (giveaways)
1 bottle rice wine .............................................. free (courtesy of giant trading)
6 lemons ............................................................. ?
countless litres of coke ...................................... ?
countless oranges ............................................... ?

there. so more or less, my total expenses would be around 3ooo to 4ooo. it ain't cheap but it ain't too expensive either harkhark!

all that thinkin made me a bit tipsy so i'll just leave it at that.

later.

-out.

-eLiv

inkling

2005-02-23T11:03:00.000+08:00

im a plainswalker once again. i just got my hands on the latest shtuff from the betrayers set, and to be honest, im a bit disappointed. the creatures aren't as cool as what i had expected and the spells are too costly. im goin' agro red and agro black. red deck is already running fine. i added the red genju spell and the 3cast 4damage instant as well. there's not enough room for tweaking with it anyway. the black deck is goin' to rely on speed and elimination to get the damage through. its a bit more tactics based than the red deck. there's not enough room for disruption except for two slots of persecute. yes, i know, this mumbo jumbo stuff is a bit confusing for "normal" people so i'll just leave it at that.

maintaining a hobby is a healthy habit. for one, it keeps your mental capacity in check (if it involves a bit of thinkin). another thing, it teaches u time management. it also teaches u to spend money wisely. it entertains you, thus eliminating boredom, which is a primary source of sin for some people specially males.

im really not in the mood to write right now but iv got an hour and a half to burn so...

fuck it. i hate doing things out of compliance.

-out!

eLiv

PS.. The cross blogging experiment is working like a charm. Promising. Lira even gave me rights to write in her blog. cool. hekityhekhek =

the cross-blogging experiment

2005-02-22T11:09:00.000+08:00

ummm... blog. pagnanakaw... medio matagal na din naming pinaplano ng kaibigan ko na magnakaw sa school store. ang dali lang kasi! kaya nga lang, may konsyensya ako. lent kasi. i have to be good. pero, kung antayin pa naming matapos ang lent, hindi kami makakapagnakaw. next school year pa kami makakapagnakaw. hindi namin kayang maghintay ng ganun katagal!its easy. we just have to join the line, get the candy, put it in our pockets, then pay for something... done. pero, ang corny naman! candy lang... but think! we're just kids.. kung malaking bagay ang aming ninakaw, pano na ang mundo?!so, we took something else. nagnakaw kami ng 2 issue ng time magasine sa library. hindi naman nila binibilang un. pero, mas madali naman yun kaysa dun sa candy. minsan kasi may bantay dun sa candy, madre! so, i can't do it. pero sa library, friends ko yung librarians. hehe.. daya no. it was so easy. we just had to bring a drawing book big enough to cover the magasine. hindi naman nila tinitignan kung may nakaipit na magasine dun. hehe... now what?! what's next?! hehe... i think i should retire from being a robber. its bad and wrong. :D

good job lir!

hekhek! quackitykwak!

-out!

eLiv

ps: good choice for a topic. im a thief myself. hehe

something a little bit more intellectual

2005-02-18T09:15:00.000+08:00

hai, after screwing up somebody's FRIENDSTER account, i suddenly became a little emphatic. my seemingly non-existent conscience suddenly whispered something like "e pano kaya kung ikaw un?" which i didnt quite hear because id was practically guffawing with laughter. hekhek i enjoyed screwin up that account, there's no denying that. if i didnt admit to enjoying it, then that would be hypocritical but then, admitting it would condemn me into becoming a social nuisance. hai, such are the boundaries that limit human life. times like this remind me of good ol' machiavelli.

anyway...

today is friday. how time flies. next week is midterm week. im a little flustered cos i aint got no hobbies at the moment. im gettin really bored, really fast. my hair is growing back to its former state. summer is fast approaching. im thinkin PINGPONG this summer. gym and pingpong. im exploring the wonderful art of painting. im not exactly painting, but u get the idea. im planning to have a space for my art in this site. at the moment, everything is in slow motion.

dragging.
boring.
old.
stale.

hope things accelerate soon.

-out

eLiv.

sinapian ata ako ni satanas.

2005-02-18T09:05:00.000+08:00

BAWAHAHAHAHAHAW!!!!! (evil laugh)

napaka-eviL ko! haha! may-inabutan akong bukas na FRIENDSTER account pag-open ko ng PC! wahahaha! pinag-bubura ko ung mga testi at pictures! wakekeke! eviL!

nakaka-konsensiya.....

JOKE LANG!

wahahaha! mag "LOG-OUT" kase kayo mga tarups!

...

...

...

...

pero nakaka-guilty nga talaga ng konti....

-out!

today's misadventures

2005-02-16T18:39:00.000+08:00

woke up at 5:30am. a good start for a wednesday. i had to get to school before 8am. i thought to myself, "a pota di ako maleleyt ngaun. napaka-aga kong gumayak". I went to my sister's room to wake her up kase dapat sabay kame papasok today. I feared that she might be a hindrance to my planned early arrival at school. I proceeded to her room. I opened the lights to force her to wake up. Then she uttered heavenly words: "wala kong pasok, patay mu ilaw". Napa-"YES" ako sa tuwa. I wont be late today. I proceeded to the bathroom to take a long bath since maaga pa naman. I got dressed and ate breakfast without haste. I even got a chance to drink coffee. But to my demise, life chose to play a bad trick on me today. Stepping out to the garage, i was surprised to see only three vehicles, ung KIA CARNIVAL, ung ESTRADA ng tatay ko, at ung OPEL ng nanay ko na coding. the fuckin HONDA CIVIC was missing. bwiset! I didnt panic cos i still had an hour and a half to be in school. Tito volunteered to accompany me to the church where mom and lola went to mass to. Magpapalit kami ng kotse. Sa kasamaang palad, nakasalubong namin sila nung malapit na kami sa church. They were on their way home while we were stuck in traffic supposedly on the way to trade cars. badtrip. they didnt even notice us kahit bumusina kami. shit freak. anyway, hinabol namin sila. we took a shortcut pauwi ng subdivision thinking na pauwi na sila. we arrived at home. wala ang HONDA. shits. they arrived at 7am. asar. one hour to go, kaya pa. I was rushing to the train in that fucked up honda when i noticed na wala na palang gas. leche. nagpagas pa ko. 200 bucks lang. delayed nanaman. to worsen the situation, may banggaan sa santolan. damned. on the way to my "parking space", i noticed another impending delay, may truck ng basura na nakabalandra sa kalsada ng maliit na subdivision kung san ako nagpapark. they were stuck in my parking space. badtrip. ultra delayed nako by this time. bwiset. i parked on the left side out of frustration. i got out of the car dahil nagmamadali na nga kong makasakay sa train. nung nasa gate na ko nung subdivision, sabi sakin nung mabait na guard, "uhm, sir, baka po pwedeng palipat nung kotse nyo sa RIGHT side ng kalye..". sino ba naman ako para tumanggi sa utos ni ALMIGHTY GUARD? so i walked back to my car to fix the mess. i stepped out after making ayos of my parking (conyo). medyo malayo na ko nang biglang may nagsisisigaw na mama sa likod ko. tinatawag nya ko. sabi nya: "TOTOY! TOTOY! diba anak ka ni grace?" sabi ko, "opo", sabi nya, "Ipapabigay ko lang tong isang kahon ng DURIAN na pasalubong sa kanya, alam na nya to *smile*", sabi ko, o "cge po" (i will soon regret the decision). anyway, finally on my way na ko sa train ride. no problems there except na nung sasakay na ko, i noticed na parang super dami naman ng tao. hindi kami kasyang lahat. i had to wait for the next fuckin train.

badtrip.

by this time definitely late na ko dadating. eventually nakasakay ako sa train. arrived at recto at 8:10 (class starts at 8:00). jeepney ride to morayta. arrived sa field at 8:15am. late na ko. nakita ko si emman, karga lahat ng surveying equipment. kawawang sisiw.

dumaan ang araw na wala kong ibang iniisip kundi ang pagnood sa pelikulang CONSTANTINE (na dapat banggitin ng pabulong para masaya).

got dismissed from NSTP at 4pm, 30 minutes early than expected. but i still had to wait for rem. e antagal nya kaya na-delay ulit. hekhek. dumaan pa kami sa jolibee dahil nauuhaw daw cia. bumili kame ng mallow and choco pie. BIBIGYAN KO NG 500 pesos ANG TAONG MAKAKASUBO AT MAKAKA-NGUYA NG ISANG BUO NG DEMONIC PASTRY NA IYON NA HINDI MASASAKTAN ANG LOOB NG BIBIG NYA! HOT FUDGE kase ang palaman ng demonic pie na iyon. Lapnos ang dila namin. tapon tapon pa sa kalye ang fudge. sumakay kami sa train. puro pangit ang kasabay namin (yabang...). bumaba kami sa GATEWAY dahil astig ang cine dun. pagdating sa ticket booth, WALANG MUVI DAHIL WALANG KURYENTE. potangina. nagmadali kami papuntang kotse ko. nilakad namin ng mabilis. hindi na namin pinansin ang JAPANESE CAKE. pagdating namin sa kotse, na-surprise kame dahil........

AMOY DURIAN ANG PUTANGINANG KOTSE!!!!!!!!

badtrip.

anyway, we endured the demise. arrived at RP. pagtingin namin sa sked, 5:02 pala nagstart. shits. no choice. we have to wait. standing room na kase.

kaya ako nakapagBLOG.

conclusion : PLANNING IS THE ROOT OF MOST DISAPPOINTMENTS.

still have to wait a few moments before kame makanood ng movie. starting time : 8:00.
time check: 07:10pm. badtrip pa rin.

delayed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-out!

eLiv.

tliug fo egami rorrim

2005-02-15T11:21:00.000+08:00

!tuo -

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . . . . . *hgis*

. . . . . . . . iah....

...em pleh ydobemos

. . .

. . .

.yarp ot yad doog a eb dluow yadot .sreh etatsaved i erofeb...noos traeh ym skaerb ehs epoh i .nehw sownk ohw ecnis em rof mroftra na neeb sah tnemeganam tliug dna ,efil ym fo tsom rail tneiciffe na neeb vi .tnemom eht ta yalp ot emag tsedrah eht si dneterp?wolf eht htiw og tsuj i tnac yhw .desufnoc ylbirret eb tsum ehs .em htiw pu thguac yllanif sah amrak ym .seye ym ni detniat eb syawla lliw evol...elbaraebnu tsom eht si eno siht ,ssessop i taht sksam eht lla gnoma...gnireffo ru taht evol eht evresed tnod i .dnik sa ton mi taht timda ot lufemahs sti tub stnemitnes eht devol i .meop a em etorw ehs .erac ot evitisnesni oot dna og tel ot derucesni oot sohw ,drawoc deretnec-fles ,hsifles a .drawoc a mi .edisni morf pu em gnitae s'ti...ecnaegnev htiw tohs worra na ekil em secreip tliug eht .eromyna leef i woh tuoba erus ton ma ,dnah rehto eht no ,i .em sevol ehs .reh evresed i kniht tnod i .reh tuob deirrow mi .pirtdab .gnileef eht ssimsid ot woh wonk tnod i ,esrow .ytliug leef i

mushy things and demon's wings. (rhyme e)

2005-02-10T15:53:00.000+08:00

i was supposed to write about love today but its nearly time and i realized that im as clueless about it as anybody else is.

so wag na lang pala.

anyway,

-out!

-eLiv

ps > phrase for the day is "AXIS OF REVOLUTION"

bahala na kayo mag-comment. nobody's reading this anyway.

tomorrow we die.

artistically inclined

2005-02-09T11:02:00.000+08:00

bata pa lang ako, mahilig na ko sa art. tuwang tuwa ako noon kapag maguumpisa na ang klase dahil sandamakmak ang bago kong art things. kumpleto lagi ang supplies ko noon. meron akong mongol pencils na one, two at three kahit hindi ko naman ginagamit ung one at three dahil two lang ang gusto ko. meron din ako nung black na lapis na mahaba at mataba na kulay puti ang pambura. hindi ko din un ginagamit. ayoko nung lapis na may mga design. gusto ko lang ay yung mongol ko na yellow na number two. simple, madaling gamitin, swabe tasahan, at higit sa lahat, hindi mabilis maupod. paborito ko din ung mga crayola. nagtatantrums ako noon (kahit na seven years old nako) kapag hindi 32 colors ang crayola ko. meron ako nung 8-color, 16-color, 24-color, at 32-colors na set. alam kong meron namang kaparehang kulay sa 32 color set ung laman ng ibang mga set pero gusto ko talagang kumpletuhin yon. mahilig kase kong mangolekta. meron din nga pala ko nung mga BIG crayola na hindi naman talaga ginagamit dahil masydong mataba ung dulo nun. tsaka hindi siya kasya sa ART ENVELOPE ko. (art envelope - isang clear plastic envelope na pinaglalagyan ng art supplies.) Dati hindi ako maaaring magsulat sa ibang papel, talagang sa OSLO PAPER lang. ewan ko ba kung bakit trip na trip ng mga grade school teachers ang OSLO PAPER kahit hindi talaga ito fit for drawing. magaspang ang oslo paper at masyadong makapal. pangit din gawing origami dahil sablay siya mag-fold. bobo ang oslo paper. ung art paper naman ay nakakaasar kahit maraming kulay dahil napaka-nipis naman. madaling liparin, madulas, at higit sa lahat, napupunit pag nagbura ka ng sinulat mu doon. badtrip ang art paper. pang-origami lang talaga iyon. meron din ako nung gunting na pang kids na dalawang sara mo pa lang sa gunting ay sira na. meron din ako nung elmers glue. dinadala ko un lagi dahil kinakain iyon ng bully nung grade one. pag hindi mo siya binigyan ng glue, papahiran ka nya ng kulangot. naisip ko nga na marahil ay doon nagsimula ang "PANGINGIKIL" at "RED TAPE". meron din akong water color. hindi naman talaga cia water color...kaya lang tinawag na water color iyon ay dahil sa nilalagyan ng tubig ung mga pinatigas na kulay (rectangles) para makapag-produce ng kulay na malabo naman. hindi ko gaanong ginagamit ang watercolor. hindi kasi siya cool..messy pati. pero ibang usapan ung pantasa ko. astig ung pantasa ko. kulay pink (wag kang tumawa) nga cia pero astig pa rin dahil ANIM ang butas nya! (a panis!) isa para sa mongol, isa para sa crayola, isa para sa crayola big, isa para sa big pencil, isa para sa extra big pencil at isa para sa mascara ng nanay mo! HAYYEEEEP! napaka-handy. mahilig akong mag-tasa dati. noon pa lang ay alam ko na ang relaxing powers ng isang seemingly senseless task na tulad ng pagtatasa. dati nga tinasahan ko ung isang number two pencil ko hanggang sa dulo para lang malaman kung gano katagal iyon gawin. kaso nakalimutan kong hindi pa pala tinuturo nung grade 1 ang pagbabasa sa analog na relo. pero kung iisipin, nung matapos akong magtasa ay hindi pa tapos ang "THAT's ENTERTAINMENT", ibig sabihin ay matagal tagal din bago maubos sa kakatasa ang isang number two na mongol. nun ko naisip na hindi na ko gagamit ng iba pang pencil. number two mongol lang. natuto kong mag-drawing dahil kay CHRISTIAN JACINTO (mas kilala sa pangalang JACKTOT ng mga kaibigan nya nung high school). close kami ni JACKTOT nung grade 1. noon, christian pa ang tawag sa kanya. muntik na kong umiyak nung ipadrawing samin ng teacher namin ung aso sa religion book namin. hindi ako marunong kumopya sa libro kaya kinabahan ako. tapos biglang umepal si jacktot sa dramatics ko. pinakita nya sa akin ung papel nya at nakita ko doon ang imahe ng isang aso. kamukhang kamukha iyon nung aso sa libre. na-tanga ako sa bilib. sabi ko, "bata, turo mo sakin yan". sabi niya, "hindi ako si bata, ako si christian". at dahil mga bata pa kami, wala nang plastikan at gaguhan pa kaya tinuro nya sakin ang paraan. madali lang pala. susundan mo lang ung linyang malabo na makikita mo kapag pinatong mo ung manipis mong papel sa ibabaw ng libro. iyon ang unang pandarayang ginawa ko (hindi naman siguro daya, pero sabi kasi ng teacher i-drawing daw, hindi naman sinabing i-bakat). magmula non ay lalo kong na-engganyo sa art. lahat ng pahina ng notebook ko ay may drawing. nauubos ang mga lapis at krayola ko sa kakadrawing (un ay kung hindi ko pa sila nawawala). lagi ring out-of-stock ang OSLO paper sa bahay namin dahil sa kakadrawing ko. aaminin ko, na-addict ako sa drawing at sa art pero ok na ko ngayon. nagdodrawing pa rin ako hanggang ngayon pero kaya ko nang tumigil. nacocontrol ko na ang urge. hooray to me.

samakatwid, the best pa rin ang pantasang maraming butas.

amen!

-out!

-eLiv

bait-ing

2005-02-08T10:55:00.000+08:00

top-o-the-mornin to ya! im tryin to be a wee bit jolly today. woke up much earlier than expected. i didnt have too much sleep last night cus my bro was tumblin and rollin in the bed like a frickin possessed idiot that's being exorcised. damned. the mosquitos were suckin all my blood and on top of that, my brain was running a non-stop marathon of thoughts. hai stressful. last night i sorta had a tussle cos of some technical difficulties with the phones. it was a bit irritating but my patience somehow pulled me through. still no talks. these kinds of things remind me of some other things. good thing its not my thing to just crash and burn-thing. hadnt had a chance to txt lira last night. guess she sleeps early, i mean she needs it since she's still in her growth stage. really nice person. smart. reminds me of my vibrant high school self in an interestingly eerie sort of way :) really cool kiddo. makes me wanna wish for a little sister.

sometimes i think about writing something funny or interesting, but in the end, i just dont think its worth it.

nga pala, before i forget, its my mom's bday today so im open for gift suggestions. im thinkin gift certificates for a spa. my TOBASCO christmas gift didnt have the desired effect so i guess i'll have to do something really WHOA today. haha!

I think weltshmerz is brain-damaged...gave me free load! 300 big ones! malupet! astig libre! hahahaha! and iv got the card to prove it. i guess miracles really do happen. hahahaha!

kita-kits sa VARIETY SHOW!

-out!

-eLiv

ps...
naisip ko na kung anong paraan ung makakatulong sa bayan na manggagaling sakin. pagmayaman na ko, (o kahit hindi pa, basta dapat marunong na ko magtayo ng gusali at mang-engganyo ng sponsors) magtatayo ako ng mga apartment buildings na tipong studio type ung rooms para sa mga skwater. mga 5 storeys lang para hindi mahirap umakyat, pero maayos talaga. may mga seminar para sa livelihood. tapos ung mga lalake pwedeng maging construction workers ng foundation. may renta ung housing project pero mura lang. just enough to avoid dependency. dapat may barangay clearance sila bago sila makakuha ng units. sana magawa ko un pagtanda ko. i'll start it when im 45. sana sana talaga matupad ko to. good luck to me.

-OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

copy-paste

2005-02-03T13:26:00.000+08:00

todays word (or phrase, whatever is gramatically correct) is COPY-PASTE. why? because there wouldn't be a need for this entry if i just remembered to highlight everything i wrote earlier and press CTRL-C. damned. my other entry would've been a meter long if it wasnt for the stupid glitch in this fuckin stupid computer. damned. ai nanay ko po, check my grammar. im too pissed off to think about it. shitskate. hey thats a nicer word.

SHITSKATE (copy-paste)
SHITSKATE (copy-paste)
SHITSKATE (copy-paste)
SHITSKATE (copy-paste)
SHITSKATE (copy-paste)
SHITSKATE (copy-paste)
SHITSKATE (copy-paste)
SHITSKATE (copy-paste)
SHITSKATE (copy-paste)
SHITSKATE (copy-paste)
SHITSKATE (copy-paste)
SHITSKATE (copy-paste)
SHITSKATE (copy-paste)
SHITSKATE (copy-paste)
SHITSKATE (copy-paste)

SHITSKATE - slipping after stepping on shit.

-out! (ctrl-C)

woooooooossssssaaaaaaaaaaaa.......................

2005-02-01T10:47:00.000+08:00

anger is a word. anger is an idea. anger is a concept. it is a part of life. it stirs you up then drags you down. it makes you feel strong but it drains you afterwards. it gets you high to the point that you suffocate due to the extreme altitude. it destroys ur mind and ruins your relationships. it makes you want to kill but sometimes it makes you want to die. it makes your muscles crave activity, commanding you to hit someone with something hard. it is untamed. primal. it is as unavoidable as it is unnecessary. it appears out of nowhere but never leaves unnoticed. it scares the hell out of people but also gives insane amounts of courage. it can implement discipline but it also corrupts intellectual minds. it is as tricky as the devil and is equally unforgiving. anger undermines reason and evolves into rage. anger is a symptom of impending death. anger is the fuel for sin. but anger, with all its contorted faces, is still JUST anger, just an emotion, just an idea, just a word.

-out!

ehersisyo pamacho

2005-01-29T18:01:00.000+08:00

whew! talk about masochism! damned it was so tiring working out! hehe yep, I AM WORKING OUT! shocking right? i did it cos i think im losing stamina. i get tired a lot faster now and a few days ago my body wasn't feeling normal. It shook me up and after a few phone calls and a drive i was there at the gym pumping iron. it gives a sense of accomplishment just to have signed up for a work out program but i know that im still a long way to being fit so i guess i'll just have to put a little more effort and determination in this one!

I FEEL GOOD! tanan-tanan-tanan-tan!

last night leng and i talked up to 3 in the morning. we talked about a lot of stuff. we talked about fear and pain and how it was inevitable. we talked about dreams and the future. we talked about sleeping early and waking up earlier. we talked about books and life and love and kids and growing up and parents and stuff. we talked, we laughed, we had silent moments and even a few tussles. It was the best chat ever :) i got to know a lot about her, and that is something that's very important to me. I felt comfortable and safe last night, all because of her. god, i miss that girl...last night she told me about her plans of going abroad after graduation...i cant blame her for wanting to leave this country, i mean, who wouldn't? I was struck. People always say that when you love, you shouldnt give everything you have because that person just might ruin you. I hate this statement but im qutie guilty of it. Loving is supposed to be risky, its supposed to be all about trust and honesty, and it should never be a burden. Knowing that someone you love is going to leave you soon isnt a grand feeling. I disagree with holding yourself back from loving fully but is this an exeption? an excuse? is inevitability a cue-in for destroying something good? can the probable be a cause?

good thing the mind has the capacity to somehow delay time, or at least adjust to its effects.

this is BS.

im heading home.

-out!

word for the day: "BACK HOLE" - a bulldozer/crane contraption arrived at our house earlier this morning to level the ground. I think its either called a "buck hoe", or a "back hoe", im not really sure but "BACK HOLE" is kinda unique. literally its a hole in one's back but it could be a metaphor to feeling empty after solving most problems that one carries on his back. example: uv got problems (troubles resting on your back), and then bam! you solve it, tsanan! the burden is gone, revealing a huge HOLE in your back, making you feel cold and empty because now that everything is ok, you realize that your life is so fuckin boring.

BACK HOLE.

--final out!

hoser hoser.

2005-01-28T10:57:00.000+08:00

whoa horseshit.

the word for today is HORSESHIT

HORSESHIT
HORSESHIT
HORSESHIT
HORSESHIT
HORSESHIT
HORSESHIT
HORSESHIT

right. say it aloud. SCREAM IT OUT AND BE FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HORSESHIT!!!!!!!!!

relaxing nu? anyway, this entry is just a compliance thing. sorta like saying blah. this is just something that i wrote as a "cover" entry cos i haven't finished my big essay yet. yep, i'm writing an organized "intellectual" piece kaso its not yet finished so eto munang mga word for the day ang atupagin natin. Siguro i'll finish it soon (sana sipagin ako). Nga pala, you people should start writing more now cos im reading blog entries now unlike before hehe keep posting shit people.

and dont forget to scream HORSESHIT!!!!!!! at least once today.

wah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oops wrong word.
HORSESHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-out!

-eLov <--- eLiv (or viLe, or eviL, what have you) becomes eLov (or Love) just because of a simple slip of my typing fingers. too bad the world can't change as simply as that. think about it.

-out!

-eLiv (i like it better this way)

absolution solution topped off with scar juice

2005-01-25T10:30:00.000+08:00

i've got a new hobby. its called bartending. im a beginner but im willing to learn. iv successfully mixed a tequila sunrise and a desert sunrise. i'd mix a cancun sunset if i could only figure out what a cointreau is and how it is pronounced. i served a few glasses of my concoction to my ever loving family who "willingly" agreed that it was indeed quite "delicious". aint that cool? my thinkin bout mixing a few death wishes and chili shots once i get the right ingredients. im aiming my sights on hurricanes, 7 spirits, and red deaths once iv mastered the "building" skill and after iv obtained the right spirits. its so much fun. =) its like being an alchemist, trying to make gold (tasty, spunky, amazing drink) out of basic metals (cheap drinks, juice and a few expensive spirits). Im saving money to buy ingredients but it seems that finding a store that sells good booze is going to be more difficult. hai nako. and to top it off, there's about a gabagazillion recipes on the internet! oh man. anyway, persistence is the first key, the second is hard earned cash.

-out!

conjuration of fused spirits

2005-01-24T18:38:00.000+08:00

shit. this is a fuckin shitty night. im exagerrating. damned i feel so annoyed and betrayed (again). why can't people just SHUT UP and MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS? Stupid people should start stapling their fuckin lips. Am I fuming? damned right I am. good god! leaks are SO FUCKING IRRITATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'd burn one alive if it weren't illegal! hahahaha!!! im never doing a favor for backstabbin' thick-faced wild boars ever again! mark my fuckin word!!!!! i could ruin your careers you pigs!!!!!!!!!!! may maggots feast on your eternally damned souls!!!!!!!!!!! DIE! DIE! DIE! biyatches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >:-[ grrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Analogy: you wake up wasted and craving for coffee. u spend a few minutes brewing the damned thing and then u put it in ur trusted mug because coffee cups are small and stupid and they always leak. u savor the thought that ur seconds away from enjoying ur tasty brewed coffee...suddenly u discover that ur mug has a fucking crack! hot coffee seeps through the broken ceramic and spills on your shorts, burning your privates with 100 degrees celcius of fresh, aromatic, caffeine-enhanced, boiling fiery death! isnt that irritating?!!??!! thats how i fuckin feel!!!! betrayed by my fuckin trusted coffee mug!!!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*deep breath*

good thing i have leuna...congratulate me people...im taken! woohoo! its a real relief to know that somewhere out there, iv got someone i could trust. hooray for us! :D hai....missin that girl....

by the by,

Iv got a new hobby now...im starting it...Im learning to bartend! aint that cool!? :) i can see it now...eLiv thade's diabolical concoctions (eerie ung theme at definitely NO SMOKING)

MACKS thanks for droppin by. keep visiting :) its good to know that people are reading stuff like this. question though, alin sa mga sites mu ang pinaka madalas ma-update?

LIRA hey i aint got no problems (well i do have some stuff to worry about but nothing serious though) i asked for a way to contact u cos i had some question regarding suicide. I need advice for my cousin. I think he's contemplating on doing it and i dont want him dead anytime soon. please help. a few questions lang naman. send me a number or anything. thanks.

thats it for now.

so,
-out!

UPDATE: iv editted this post because i think iv been a bit too mild on some people and a bit too harsh on others. i guess the mug wasn't cracked..just spilling a bit. but all's well now. =)

everything is just a matter of logging in and logging out

2005-01-20T13:35:00.000+08:00

whoa. iv got a few minutes to use some ink. my day started out with a drive to the train station. i think i created a new kind of sport this morning...sleep-driving. yep, i drove with the sleep jitters in my head. my brain was pulsing and i nearly hit a car. distrubing. i came home to an empty breakfast table so i went up to my room to drown myself in sleep once more. i ended up talking to leuna instead =) God, i luv that girl =) she called me cos i wasnt able to contact her due to sun cellular's ever-consistent technical difficulties. wombat. why did i say wombat? it came to me like a flash. nothing important, no clues, no guides, no reason, no sense. wombat. wombat. wombat. i think i just made wombat the word of the day. wombat wombat wombat. oh shit. gotta go. exams. WOMBAT WOMBAT WOMBAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wombat

wombat

wombat

wombat

wombat

-out. wombat.

back from hibernation

2005-01-18T13:07:00.000+08:00

whoa! im back! (jumps around, trying to attract attention) everything seems normal enough...(not that i'd care). Writing feels kinda new this year. I've been reading a lot of normal and not-so-ordinary books lately. I've also got a healthy dose of lovin these days =) I'm becoming normal again =) I'm also working part time and it feels good earning money. I'm studying pretty hard and am hoping to get really good grades. Things are fine in my life right now, and it SCARES the hell out of me. There's something about order that calms me down, but order, as we all know too well, is an introduction to chaos. Forgive the pessimism but as early as now, im already preparing myself to roll with the punches, leaning back and tightening the seatbelts so that when the inevitable car crash comes, I won't be flying out the windshield, but instead be bleeding internally from a collision with the ever useful car dashboard beneath a very defective airbag that I like to refer to as "SHort-lived Illusionary Tranquility System" or SHITS. Hai...but there's no mistaking that I am indeed happy with my sort-of productive life at present. I think i'll be writing frequently again since the e-lib is already open. so, good luck to me, God bless me and may the world be a better place for ME. And also, may scraps of gifts and graces (intended for me of course) fall on some needy people out there. Im obviously joking. And finally, before i forget, lets take a moment to pray for all the souls who lost their bodies because of the big earthquake under the sea (tsunami).

***moment of silence***

amen.

that day was a very tiring day for my friend, whose picture graces my page atop this blog entry.

-out

HICT

2004-11-26T15:38:00.000+08:00

langya talaga. angkati. makatingmakati. bwiset. sobrang makati. dumugo na't lahat makati pa rin. ilang beses nang ginustong magsara pero pilit paring tinatastas ang balat na tumatakip sa sugat. hindi makuntento sa paglipas ng kati. kelangan mong dumugo. bilang parusa sayo. kailangan mong dumugo. nakakatuwang isipin na ginagamot mo ang sarili mo. pero dahil dyan, lalo kang masasaktan. pero wala ring silbi. kailangan mong dumugo. dahil nakakatuwa. kakaibang tuwa. masokista? hindi naman. masarap lang talagang kalikutin ang naghihilom na balat. kalikutin hanggang sa mamula. mamula dahil sa dugo. at pag napunit na muli ang sugat na maghihilom na sana, papatak ang dugo. at papahiran ko ng sama ng loob. dahil alam kong sa pagtagal ay gagaling ka rin. ngunit sa ngayon, dumugo ka muna. para matapos na. para matapos na. tapusin mo na.

Let It Bleed

2004-11-26T15:18:00.000+08:00

Let it bleed Used
This poison’s my intoxication
I broke a needle off in my skin
Pick the scabs and pick the bleeding
And assume that it was all in vein

Popping a scab that’s never healing
It just hit me in the face
Burning bridges, So misleading
The poison’s more important now with the pain

Let it bleed
Take the red for what it’s worth woah
Watch the fire
Fill your lungs with smoke for the last time
If you feel like dying you might wanna sing

The fire department couldn’t drown the city
They didn’t even try to wash it clean
And what did you think that I was sober
For me yea cause I’m on fucking fire

Popping a scab that’s never healing
I’m proud that I kept this clean
The most that I can do for you is keep on lying
I’m tired of lying
I think I’d rather sin

Let it bleed
Take the red for what it’s worth woah
Watch the fire
Fill your lungs with smoke for the last time
If you feel like dying you might wanna sing

Ohoh you might wanna sing
Ahaha you might wanna sing
Hahah you might wanna sing
Hahahaha sing
You might wanna sing
You might wanna sing
You might wanna sing or scream at...

This poison’s my intoxication
I broke a needle off in my skin
Pick the scabs and pick the bleeding
And yeah.. assume that it was all in vein

Let it bleed
Take the red for what it’s worth, woah
Watch the fire
I’m gonna fill your lungs with smoke for the last time
If you feel like dying
If you feel like dying
If you feel like dying,
You might wanna sing
Hahaha You might wanna sing
Haha You might wanna sing

eye scratching as seconds whirl into oblivion

2004-11-23T10:53:00.000+08:00

whew talk about hecticity (**hecticity - refers to a state of having a very tight/hectic schedule**). iv practically got no time at all. except for times like these, where doing something productive just doesn't feel right. I think I'm gonna have a huge problem after a few days...damned projects.

requirements/assignments list:

1. building con project : model house
completion status: 1.5%
2. building con exam : 4 chapters
exam date : tomorrow.
knowledge of topics : i'd say about 3.8 %
3. filtwo script :
due date : next week
completion status : -2%
4. political science recitation : 3 chapters
date of recitation : later today
knowledge of topics : zilch
5. Computer Assisted Physics lab report : 6 pages handwritten
date of submission : friday (today is tuesday by the way)
completion status : 10% (iv already had the data photocopied. nax)
6. Technical Writing report : chapter 3
date of submission : no idea
completion status : 0.0001% (**i think that my groupmates should do something about that fuckin paper right about now since i made the last two chapters already. those good for nothin low life bums! **fuming**)
7. Need for Speed UNDERGROUND 2 : Career Mode
completion status : 51% **konting tiyaga na lang!**
8. Magic: The Gathering Tooth and Nail Deck
completion : 98% **still have to fix the boards**
9. Magic: The Gathering Red Burn Deck
completion : 95% **still tweaking the deck**
10. Magic: The Gathering Modified "fish" deck
completion : 60% **aint got no breads to fund the fuckin expensive cards.**

SUMMARY : I think everything is still in order. I really think I'll get by.
I have this knack for completing things a night before the deadlines. Maristian to' boy!

-out! gotta run! sayang oras!

di na-approve sa friendster e. dito na lang tangina!

2004-11-16T16:06:00.000+08:00

Color of most clothes you own: [black] Number of pillows you sleep with [2] What room are you in right now? [e-lib] What were you doing 12AM last night: [racing. NFSU2!] How old will you be in 10 yrs: [29]. What do you think you'll be doing in 10 years: [taking my 2 year old boy to visit their lolo's huge house. ] Do you have braces? [nope] Are you paranoid? [yep. and its all because of the letter after w] Do you burn or tan? [in hell u'll burn, in the beach u'll tan] Describe your wallet? [grey hang ten. sleek and non-expensive] Your alarm clock? [surprisingly pink] Your hair? [demonic without gel, acceptable with gel] Tooth brush? [dalawa. futuristic ung look nila] What color are your nails? [normal color] What color are your eyes? [depends on the lighting *naksampoota*] First kiss? [ayus lang] First piercing/tattoo? [none. dont have plans] First enemy? [myself] First big trip? [trip as in tripping? when i brainwashed all my classmates to hate michael acosta. wahahaha!, kung trip as in journey, USA.] First play/musical/performance? nursery. [ung stupid dance routine sa marie's learning center.] Last cigarette? [never tried. no plans] Last good cry? [long time ago.] Last movie seen? [Mr.Deeds] Last person you yelled at? [house help] Last beverage drank? [water] Last crush? [ung girl sa MRT na mukhang anghel] Last shoes worn? [wahhaa! diesel na brand new!] Last annoyance? [finding out that the househelp burned my 2nd pair of school pants. and i only have 2 pcs.] Last words spoken? [tangina] Last ice cream eaten? [BTIC - kalhua brownie] Last thing written by hand? [log-in sa e-lib] Last time amused: [NFSU2!] Last time wanting to die: [can't recall. i want to live.] Last time in love: [ask jeeves] YOUR.. 1. whole name: aLexander rey alas gervacio 2. nicknames: alex, jun, demonboy, kuya, tito, hoy, nongs, homeboy, junjun, bro, dude, tol, and superidolmegawow. 3. birthday: march 16. 4. zodiac sign:fish 5. civil status: single SCHOOLS: 6. elem: marist 7. high school: marist 8. college: UPLB, FEU-ea 9. course: enhinyerong sibil YOUR FAVORITE: 11. movie: singhaba ng great wall ang listahan 12. band/singer: THE USED! 13: games: NFSU2!!!!! diablo 2 14. invention of man: pc, cell, electric guitar tska EYEGLASSES! 15. chillout place: room, veranda, pool. 16. fruit mansanas ubas 17. sitcom characters: ung bida sa SCRUBS 18. day of the week: sabado 19. line from a movie: "at the break of dawn, look to the east" LOTR - two towers 20 talk show host: ?! THING YOU WANT TO... 21. buy: new MP3 player, subwoofer, extra RAM, car 22. eat: as;djgh 23. receive this xmas: a wake up call for my life 24. try: try to meet new people 25 throw: warfreak ka a... DO YOU HAVE A... 26. lucky charm: yep. ung mga dice ko. shit di ko dala! 27. psychic abilities: i can determine virginity 28. coming quiz/exam: wala 29. allergies: im allergic to grammatical errors 30. fears: im afraid of many things. 31. drive: do you have a drive? anlabo. 32: cook: we dont have a cook. 34. keep a secret: yes. CHOOSE ONE... 36. read a book/watch a movie: watch a movie 37. brad pitt/colin farell/tom cruise: tom cruise 38. black/blue/pink/white: black 39. math/english: math 40. maroon5/rhchilipeppers/D12: red hot 1ST PERSON YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU HEAR THE SONG... 41. i will survive: ung mga bakla nung HS. 42. can't help falling in love: ung aso namin 43. friend of mine: di ko alam ung song 44. because you loved me: ung aso ulit namin 45. i'll be: naaalala ko kung gano ka-pathetic ung kanta./kumanta/ at mga kakanta pa ng kantang to 46. role model/inspiration: dad. 47. best asset: stunning good looks. matalino ko. 48. talent: lying 49. worst dream: kinain ko ung utak ng mga kasambahay ko. 50.hobbies: books, games, tv, thinking about ways of wasting my pathetic time here on earth.

back to the asylum

2004-11-16T14:21:00.000+08:00

whoa..its been a while. sheesh, its been a full month (i think) since i last wrote something here. damned preoccupations. anyway, techwrite class got cancelled again. what's new...

NEED FOR SPEED UNDERGROUND 2! that's what's new!

yeah!

this fuckin racing game rocks harder than 7 ozzies combined!

im definitely an addict. the coolest thing about the game isnt the graphics, the gameplay or the story, but what really hooks me to it is it's ability to waste long hours of my pathetic life without me noticing! WOW! aint that great!?

play it!

it rocks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

NFSU2

-out!

over preparation for an underestimated easy trick question true or false right minus wrong exam

2004-10-28T13:18:00.000+08:00

teka, parang wala ata kong visitors sa site ko lately a...maybe its too scary to look at. papalitan ko na nga ung mga picture...photos na lang ni jollibee.

like it?!

wahhahaa!

good mood ako ngaun e. calculus exam at 4pm later today. sus calculus lang pala e. chicken,

chickenjoy.

-out!

*non-sense tong tanginang entry na to. sana may mag-"comment" man lang..

freezing...

2004-10-26T10:31:00.000+08:00

damned its cold here. i cant feel my palms anymore and typing has suddenly become a chore. tangina tagal ni rem a. midterm namin mamya at 1:45 pm. damned..we dont even have notes to review. oh well i guess it aint gonna be THAT hard. im browsing for short stories right now. the world wide web doesnt have a copy of "PASILYO 8" so i guess il just have to look for a substitute. damned. i really liked that story. simple and gory. nice. still browsing...later

-out

and the fire burns the good

2004-10-19T08:51:00.000+08:00

im still a bit sad about my sister's CPA board exam demise. she deserved to pass in my opinion. why? cos she's a good person. she worked really hard and a basta she deserved to pass. i hate the idea of comforting her sadness. im not used to seeing her cry. last night we talked about it and i guess she's a bit over it now. i told her it aint that big a deal (big talking again). now the fuckin chalice is upon me. both my sister's failed their board exams, my parents passed their Civil Engineering Boards the first time they took it, and they have HUGE expectations from me. whew. talk about pressure...pero i guess it really aint a big deal. maybe we'll see the purpose of her demise. Pero tangina talaga. the world just crashed on one of the most important people in my life and all i could do was offer tissue paper.

sheesh.....

whew... *sigh*

-out...

wompidompidompidom

2004-10-15T14:04:00.000+08:00

whew. what a day. one more subject before dismissal. hai, nakakapagod. anyway, we played magic at the ERC. sinaway kami pero SUPAL cia! hahaha! i told that old fart that magic is an interactive game, tapos rem played along, kunwari binabasa namin ung text sa cards. (pero one really needs to read the card text before he/she plays it para maintindihan nya ung ginagawa) anyway, it was ok.

ha.............................................yyyyyyy............... b-o-r-e-d as hell.

i hate writing in taglish. masyadong tae ung dating. if ur better in english, then write in english, if ur better in tagalog, then write in tagalog. tama naman diba? now wait, why did i mention that...oh well. my subconcious is probably trying to take control again. hai...if it was just as easy as that.

im talking blah.

-out

black blue green and white, oh and red too.

2004-10-12T09:23:00.000+08:00

normal. i hope. whew. talk about feeling neutral. my disposition this morning is somewhat "purgatorious" nice. haha today is PIO's birthday. my tooth and nail is finally working as it should. splashed white and red. wrath and fireball. hahaha i guess u dont have a clue again. magic stuff. i had a date last saturday.. =) it was really fun =) i enjoyed it a lot...problem is...i felt that old feeling of bitter loneliness afterwards...i guess it cant be avoided. it would be cowardice to sidestep the longing that comes with the affection. sometimes i just want to sit in a corner and think about my life and what i want to do with it. it's a bit silly to try and make someone happy when you know that you're not. im writing this to partly say sorry because i still think that it would be better to try and make distance...i guess im really just a coward behind the big talking/....

-out

kiki-jiki the mirror breaker

2004-10-05T14:16:00.000+08:00

whew. talk about bein' bored. wah! 5 minutes till logout time. damned ERC. my relationship with that place could've been a treasured one if it hadn't been for their hosed-up shit rules and literary-freedom-binding policies. a basta they are dumb and ugly! tsaka mas malamig sa E-Lib! ha! top score ako sa textwist nila dun! kala nila!?!! grrrr..........

i should really get a real life soon...

oh shoot...

whiff....

oh well.

-out!

thought shackles

2004-10-04T11:14:00.000+08:00

[read the blog below first so that u'd get the full effect of this blog]

damned ERC! this is a "hate"-blog! tangina nila! they're not supposed to be called ENGLISH RESOURCE CENTER! i was writing my blog (see blog below) when this lola suddenly came behind me and started stroking my chest! *yuck!!!!!* joke lang ha. she told me that i wasnt supposed to WRITE in the ERC because the stupid room supposedly was just a fuckin playground for the stupid CCS kids. damned. the argument was that students must not use the ERC to produce output even if it benefits their literary skills! damned shit. ironic. an English Resource Center that prohibits its users to use the RESOURCES to enhance their ENGLISH! tangina! then she asked me this in an insulting manner: "transferee ka ba?" puta! i answered: "oho, sa Unibersidad ng Pilipinas ho ako galing." tapos she replied: "talk in english"... Then I walked out, cursing all the way to the E-lib.

tangina talaga!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*whew* steams out.

nasaan na ba ko? oh right...i opened my cellphone and found [1 message received]. opened that one too and found a quote. a quote from leng and it said something bout playing safe. i guess its a tendency for me to play safe when it comes to relationships now because i got really hurt the last time [courtesy of my ex]. i guess im still afraid to scratch my new found sense of peace...but i do want to care for someone more than i want someone to take care of me. i want to feel important and needed again. it may sound cheesy and shit, but i do want to love and to feel loved. (tama ba grammar?) im still trying to see if i would be able to handle a new relationship at this moment...i admit that im still emotionally unstable right now. im glad that someone at least cares enough to still send messages like that. it warms the heart and rocks the living daylights out of a sleepy bum like myself. i woke up after reading that message, refreshed and rattled. log out time.

-out!

TANGINANG ERC YAN! SANA MAWALA LAHAT NG LETTERS NG SCRABBLE NILA!!!

hard meat for breakfast

2004-10-04T10:55:00.000+08:00

i guess i have this uncanny ability to hurt people around me without me noticing. maybe its a curse or something. disturbing. tsk tsk. wah. where to start? hmmm....wait, i'll read some things first before continuing....

[*********READING**********]

o---k---....iv got some things in mind but i dont think i can write em all down so il start by narrating my dream last night. i was in a lecture hall classroom because i have a class see, but then a videoke machine comes out from nowhere and it turns out that my class was KARAOKE! damned it was disturbing. a graded recitation was being held and the microphone was being passed from person to person! i was scared as hell! it was a nightmare! i woke up sweaty and nervous. the mic didnt get to me though. whew....
i woke up at 8am today, queasy and irritable cos my electric fan was fuckin turned off by who knows who. i hate waking up like that. should've used the aircon as always. grrr... anyway, i glanced at my phone to see a message. i opened it and was.. gotta stop. stupid ERC. shit.

-alex

wahahaha!

2004-09-30T11:15:00.000+08:00

hey, guess what? iv got 5 minutes till my 12-chapter "short" quiz! wahahaha! im so fuckin screwed! iv already read up to chapter 11 and was in high hopes until i scanned forward and saw that chapter 12 was composed of 13 pages!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! damned! so i decided to just stop reading and write a blog. hainaku. anyway, i visited some peoples blogs and read something rather disturbing...something about distance. wow, i guess comfort always comes first. anyway, i could care less. bloop bloop. i sold the solemns yesterday for a gut-wrenching price of 2300php. wow. talk about smackin'. the buyer felt glad about it anyway so i guess everyone ended up happy. i think im gonna be buildin' a green-white theme this time. goodbye to the dark powers of black. i just cant stand the idea of wraths being benched. hehehe. go figure.

-out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
whew.

shit! its 11:30!

oof....

2004-09-27T14:01:00.000+08:00

finally the standsitll breaks. Iv been expecting this to happen sooner or later. warnings have been ignored and set aside. now i realize how many bombs have been set before hand just to make the explosion grand. they dont go off in unison, rather, their fuses have been tied together to form an insidious chain of spirit crushing instances. iv been thinkin bout the possibility of being given a little sympathy and consideration but i guess they arent capable of this. i am biased against them at this moment simply because instead of my expected reaction, the opposite occurs. life really is tricky. such a simple matter awakens a lot of hate and frustration from their side. vicious realization: i wasnt even the least bit prepared to take the beating. all i could do was distract myself. but even the distractions proved to be combustible. again they managed to bring me up to shoot me down. hope seems to be as distant as everything else. and i am soaked in fuel, just waiting, still waiting, always waiting for a match or even an ember to burn me down. i just wish i could endure until the moment that they tire,until the time that they grow tired of ignoring the problem, until the moment that they decide to understand.

but until then, i'll take the punches and force a smile. im used to it anyway.

out...

hooshagooshagooshilagoosh [read 10 times faster and faster]

2004-09-27T13:34:00.000+08:00

i just heard a really good opening line...

"today they asked me" (nice)

today dad asked me why i looked shlumpy. I simply answered: "Insomnia". That was my last statement for the duration of the ride. Damned, I feel bullied and dumb. Damned rhymes with Dumb. I agree with some of the things he said this is because I listen to it even if I don't want to. It was painful to be accused of not listening. I wish I haden't listened so that if ever I was accused, it wouldn't hurt. I guess i'm to blame for losing their trust. I have always been the withdrawn independent type. I can't stand the feeling of being treated as just a drone. they always tell me that they have been through hell and stuff jsut to finish their studies, that I'm lucky that I'm not a working student etc. I know how lucky I am to not have experienced what they went through, I know that I owe them a lot. In fact, I owe them everything. Im not ungrateful nor angry. I just want them to realize that I acknowledge what they mean. I just want to be trusted again. I want to be treated as a son and not as a burden. I want to help, I really do, but they don't let me. Im stuck in a cupboard. Anyone could open it anytime, but no one wants to. Maybe Im exagerating (spelling check) but I cant help but feel stupid. I dont even know what im writing anymore.

sdahfjkhasfkl;jhasl;jkfhak;sghfkasgjdfkjasgfk;asjgfk;jasgdfkj;asgdfgwipeugfpquiegfkasjbcklxasb
asiougfpqwiegfpiugasdfipjgasdjkfgaklsjgfpiwuegfpigjklasbklvjbskldjbvaskdgfipwuegfpiwugfipgas
sdjgafiukgwepifugipausgdfipgasdkjbvfkcjbvzxklbjkasdhfiahwefohwapfwpagfpusagdifgaskjbvasov
sahfl;ashf;lshkaskdfhsdhf[STRESS RELIEVER]sdfha;sdhfask;hfw[ehfr[woehfnklvzxv,zl;n;lsjf

out....

and the shit HAS hit the fan...karma style

2004-09-24T07:59:00.000+08:00

My long-awaited karma has finally arrived. and damned it hurts. my phone went someplace without my permission. the thing has a mind of its own i guess. oh well. life goes on. what's so irritating about the situation are the premonitions and signs that i shouldn't have ignored. blah!!!!!!!!! i hate it.

time to play now.

-out!

5hours of wandering fun

2004-09-21T08:59:00.001+08:00

ah its a tuesday again, the smell of fresh smoke from jeepney exhaust, the bitter chill felt from an airconditioner unit directly pointed at one's nape, the boredom, oh the boredom. but i guess it aint that bad, at least i have some time to write. begin.

yesterday's dinner was a bit out of the ordinary. the dish was a bamboo shoot concoction served with some fish. ordinary. the odd thing about yesterday's dinner however, was the fact that it was fun. yep, you heard me right. it was fun. mom, dad, lil bro and sister mary and I, we were having fun. It was extraordinary cos it was only yesterday that we had the chance to laugh together as a family. We spent time talking and it really felt great. I felt my family. I wish it would occur more often, I guess planets do align themselves.

I went to bed at 12am but was able to snooze at about 2am. I hate it, but I also wonder about it. In fact, I wondered about many things last night. I thought about life and what I wanted to do with it. I thought about my principles and beliefs. I also thought about how I could force myself to sleep. It was stressful but also quite *looking for right word*.

anyway, enough of this. KAMIGAWA spoiler list is out! yeah!!!!

-out!!!!!!!

asfgsadgasf

2004-09-19T22:59:00.000+08:00

clock arms stretch out
greeting souls with a reminder
of each passing second
a push away from insanity
with no recourse, no choice
a frozen river playing in its mind
frozen stiff, unmoving
life caged underneath the ice
wanting to escape, screaming
aching to drown and overrun
visions of a better day
cloud my head to the point of misery
wallowing in pity over something
as trivial as waiting for the day
anticipating life
waiting for life
wanting to break free
wanting to breath
but to no avail
simply because

life is at a standstill

the inevitability or probability of being dissolved

2004-09-17T08:36:00.000+08:00

ah the blank page...it stares at me again. fortunately, i have been saving a lot of thoughts since my last post so i'm quite ready to shell all or most of em out now. where to start...hmm...recent events first. i woke up today at 6:15. my first class was supposed to be at 7am. got out of the house at 6:30, rode the train at 6:45 and arrived in school at 7:32am. I was late. I went to the class to find 3 students inside with no prof. I went in and sat there with them. they told me that the class could be dissolved, at first i was troubled, but as it sank in, i realized that i really didnt care. that's that. moving on... yesterday a lola got her leg ranover by a jeepney. a teeny little voice started shouting and badgering me saying "HOY TANGINA WAG KANG TUMAYO DYAN TULUNGAN MO YUNG LOLA!" but i was struck with the bizarre encounter that i just froze there. I was with weltsch when i saw the freakin accident. I remember looking at him as if searching for a reaction and all he said was "tsong sakay na ko ha" in a casual manner. maybe he was shock struck too or maybe he just needed to go home already. anyway, i walked away also since a lot of other people were already aiding the lola. i walked away ashamed. i kept telling myself that i couldn't do whack to help her but i knew that i couldve helped if i really wanted to. but like the sight of a naked chinita ramp model with flowing silky hair, the whole event just slipped my mind as fast as it had come. and all i could say was...

"oh well... "
*whistles*

-out!

eventually

2004-09-13T14:02:00.000+08:00

my fuckin stomach's on a damned revolution again. damn i hate this. but i guess today will turn out great in the end. mom gave me a ride today but again she miserably failed to show me her gentle motherly side. iv gotten used to her shouting and ear crashing screams. i was lectured on how my life should be lived but as always, i let it pass through my audio tunnel unnoticed. hai, my parents always tell me to help out at doing the chores and house stuff but i dont see the point in helping if there isnt anything to fix. I wish they'd tell me what they want me to do. Expectations have always been a burden for me. I cant really make use of my free time efficiently. I made adjustments to this site as you can see and it gave me a new motivation to write. im still at the brink of depression from you know what but im slowly inching away from the edge. I guess I could distract myself more often just so I wouldnt notice how sad i really am. posting always helps though. i want to go to school already. i want to be distracted. i need my drug.
damned.

-out

2004-09-13T13:18:00.000+08:00

my rowdyrowdysleepydowgy tux!

there and back again

2004-09-09T11:47:00.000+08:00

yesterday was a day of struggles that turned out quite alright. I guess I'm being too critical of the events. I want to relax and just see my life at a different angle from this day forth. dramatic yes, but I really do want something new. Yesterday was a bit sad also. I never really had the chance to talk with the people I wanted to talk with. If the chance did somehow come, all that was pondered on were merely minor topics. small talk. But just the same, the trip was fine. I came hoem tired and a bit shlumpy but i was smiling and happy. Watched a movie last night and then went to sleep soon afterwards. I guess I still can't get some things out of my system. But I am hopeful. Eventually I'll get some peace of mind. But until then, let the nightmares come.

-out
-aLex

happy to find a turtle

2004-09-04T16:48:00.000+08:00

happy! today is a happy day! we're connected! yahoo! i sound like an idiot! but then who cares?! we're friends! finally! im very very optimistic about this. i wish it wud be the beginning of something really pleasant and cool. whew. i better catch up on poetry. im gonna be needing it. im starting my drafting job and im gonna be spending a lot of time connecting lines and geometric figures. my life is quite alright. 2 weeks break from school. that should be enough rest. im looking forward to being introduced to her formally. i know this that this might sound a lil cheap but i really think she's interestingly different (grammar check). anyway, if things get a wee bit fine and if my lucky moon shines through, id get a number the next time i check my friendster account. man, life rocks. it really does. yeah!!!!!!!!!

-out!

[mood : ECSTATIC!]

food for thought

2004-09-03T00:18:00.000+08:00

Carbonara is white and bland with a bit of mystery. I like eating it. Still canâ€™t understand it though. Maybe itâ€™s confused or isnâ€™t paired right. I havenâ€™t had a chance to eat it for lunch or dinner lately. I miss eating it. Cheesecake is stale. I donâ€™t like it anymore. But itâ€™s still nice to eat some once in a while. But itâ€™s never going to be anything more than that. I like polo candies. Itâ€™s minty and convenient. I guess it likes being convenient too. Itâ€™s quite confusing. I guess candies canâ€™t decide on what they want to happen or what their priorities are. I guess it isnâ€™t a bad idea not to eat polo candies a lot. But I miss eating em. Polo candies break easily. I guess itâ€™s natural. Breaking easily is natural. I wonder what the next chow would be. I want to know now. Now. Now. Now. I cant wait. I want to know. I want to know now. But I guess ill just have to wait and see. But until then, I guess Iâ€™ll be starving and sad. More saddened than starved. Youâ€™ll get it eventually.

have fun.

........................?

2004-08-31T12:35:00.000+08:00

im looking for a new skin right now. tired of the old one. if everything bad and stale was as easy to replace as a blogskin, then everything would be fine in an instant. no need for distractions. im bored, reluctant and definitely in need of a jump start. wandering around looking for something interesting but still failing to see anything of use. i feel sick. and sad. no more words. no more thoughts. this is just too calm for comfor, but i guess these days really do come. the only thing bothering me is its frequency. it has become quite often. dad gave me work. he said im gonna be his draftsman. JET just logged in to yahoo. il end this now. gonna chat with my friend. yaw ko na.

nakakatamad. balik tayo sa high school.

end

it always comes down to this

2004-08-24T10:14:00.001+08:00

oh well. got a few minutes to spare. iv got a quiz today at exactly 11:30am (time check: its already 10:20 am). havent even browsed some notes yet. formulas in my pocket. that should be enough. teach' got my number yesterday. it was eerie and quite awkward. brrrr.... my sis made fun of it. i think teach' is kinda disturbed and lonely. probably sick of teaching. anyway, enough with that. a few mistypes and bam, hell breaks loose. i guess no one ever has a solid idea of what im talking about. everyone is free to guess. blah blah blah.

woke up to feel dead

2004-08-19T14:30:00.000+08:00

runningandrunningandrunningfastfaster
andfasterandfasternoworriesnoguiltnosh
amenohonorthenfallingandtumblingandfa
dingawayintonothingbutsomethinghappe
nsandhurtshurtssobadthatyoucantimagin
ehowimusthavefeltorhoworwhatiwasfeeli
ngbeforeisaidanythingnooneexpectedthis
nooneexceptmeihatethisfeelingbutidonot
hateyouoranythingitsjustthatimacowardb
utnoonereallycaresboutanythingexceptw
hattheywanttosayorfeelordobutitdoesnt
matternoweverythingendswejustendeda
littleearlierthanexpectedandiunderstand
whathadhappenedhappenedforareasonbu
treasonsarestupidandsoamiijusthatewaki
ngupfeelingdeadseeingiloveyouandfeeling
nothing

nothing.

whew

2004-08-19T14:14:00.000+08:00

been a while. anyway, nothings new, a few scuffles here, a few bruises there, some depression fits here, some sad events there. nothing much.

poem:

snapping branches
pains and twitches
no gain pitches
sluggish witches
trampling wretches
rabid itches
juicy peaches
blood suckin' leeches
broken pieces
angry bitches
thieving finches
no one flinches
frog filled ditches
ill fated Mitches
teacher teaches
endless trenches

poetic trash

say what you want to say. nobody hears you anyway.

tanglewires and smokestacks

2004-08-17T00:24:00.000+08:00

my life, i just realized, is just a collection of sad efforts to fill voidsthat suddenly open up inside me, threatening to devour everything and nothing all at once. sudden attacks of depression always kept me sharp back there. i miss that place. i miss a lot of things. difficult but not impossible. im more stable now (i guess and i definitely hope so). quite amazing how a few films make one realize a lot. i feel like im pretending.i can never imagine going blind. that would be hell for me. making your way through by desperately trying to FEEL things. but that is what im doing (and probably HAVE done) now. im desperately trying to grab a hold of something. something very slippery. catfish slippery. asking questions without answers. my interest has faded away. drifting to some other poor souls' mind. such a drag. wasting time scribbling notes. listening to oldstuff. that's another problem, old stuff. im stuck with old stuff. i wantto reinvent but im way too preoccupied with thinking right now. some insecurities are surfacing again much like a few pimples near my forehead.im still waiting for a reply. time check: 12:06am, aug 17, tuesday. im getting kinda sleepy. still no reply. maybe i didnt make myself clear.i never do that. i dont want to. finally, a reply. news about old people in er life. insignificant. chances are looking pretty slim. haze. kindablurred. i wish it would clear itself out soon. problems solvingthemselves. now THAT is a miracle.

-out

rumplestiltskinperriwinkletricklebumps

2004-08-12T23:04:00.000+08:00

holy mackarel. my fuckin stomach's killing me. no, i aint shitty or anything. acid jamboree perhaps. man this hurts! kremil-S worked quite fine a while ago. (about 8 hrs ago). fuck my stomach's really hurting bad. damned. anyway, enough whining. i watched CANT HARDLY WAIT a while ago. its a cool teen flick. stereotypes and all that crap. it was shallow but it touched on the topic of fate. not that i was bothered or touched (or engrossed in Jennifer Love Hewitt's not so impressive appearance), but the movie felt great. it was light and quite refreshing. DHARMA was there (dharma and greg show). she was definitely attractive. blah...welk...anyway, my winamp was playing duncan sheik a while ago. frankly, i'd say he sucks. his songs arent good at all. that guy needs some serious changing (or luck) to stay in business. oh boy. stomach-hurting-again-must-rest-a-few-minutes-

-cannot-endure...

-out!!!%@#$%!#^@!!!!!

boxes, crates, a boy, and life

2004-08-12T22:55:00.000+08:00

this is the poem that i talked about a few bloggin' nights ago. enjoy it as much as my filone prof did. personally, i think it's crap. but it sure gave me an ego boost. oh well, enjoy kids!

a boy and a box
by eLivator (im starting to like that nick)

a boy one day came across a box
fumbled around and played with the box
the happy boy toyed with the empty box
no sign of worry or guilt, he dropped the box
then something rolled from out of the box
tumbled and rolled away from the box
such an oddity! a wonderful box!
surprising yet still nothing more than a box
in awe and amusement the boy kicked the box
but again there tumbled a box from the box!
the boy looked with wonder at the tumbling box
still amused and engrossed with the stupid box
again the boy played with the beaten box
no fear nor hesitation, no care for the box
but something tickled the boy's fancy for the box
curiosity dared him to look in the box
he angled himself and peered in the box
what ghastly magic exists in the box?
what evil lurks inside such a simple looking box?
then the boy froze when he peered in the box
unmoving and dead, stiff as a box
do you want to know what he saw in the box?
a boy frozen stiff, dead inside the box

post your comments please. id like to hear your ideas about this poem. thanks. huh?!

palytest

2004-08-11T22:47:00.000+08:00

throwing words into a melting pot of thoughts and feelings. no target.no point. the fact of the matter is that i am nothing more than a subject.such revelries and fantastically modified strobes of white light.tubes and globes. nothing matters. and this isnt coded. dreaming ofwhispersilks and unimaginable nothings. such annoyances these feelings are. i wish to touch the clouds if only i weren't afraid to climb. no onewants to climb, but everyone wants to touch. elusive. unkind. shimmeringand wild. such is peace of mind. a trickster at heart. never resting. always moving. a witness to the collapse. no one enjoys pain. throbs and spasms. unbearable. to wake in the middle of the night just to spew andthrow up. i want to go. i want to leave. confinement. i resent it. trapped and misdirected. paths hidden, no maps, not even policemen. nevermind. a wonderful word. after everything said, end with nevermind. its wonderful to know that such words can be written to form random spoof.another idea from the old box. nothing new. nothing grand. nothing moreeverything less. it all ends. eventually. eventually. such talks. nonsense.its all nonsense. i wish it would stop. then again, maybe i dont want it tobut again, eventually it will. a few more words. and then none.
nevermind.

bending spoons and seeing miracles

2004-08-09T22:38:00.001+08:00

a stone's throw from sanity
-eLiv

i threw some stones
it hit you
i planned it
it hit you hard
harder than expected
you bled
i cried
no one died
no one dies
at least none will die tonight
you threw stones too
you missed
at point-blank you missed
at point-blank no one misses
unless intended
unless planned
you planned it
you planned this
so that it would look dead
but its not dead
if you want it dead then kill it
kill it
kill it in front of me
if you cant, then just shut up
i could kill it for you
but you'd have to leave my sight
no turning back
now is right now
nothing to lose
regret is just a word
kill it
no room for hesitation
kill it
set yourself free
its already dead anyway
dont forget to thank me later
im waiting...

eating oneself

2004-08-09T22:38:00.000+08:00

im surrounded by massochists. (and some hedonists and sadists)

a secret: Although easily amused, i am quite difficult to convince. Skepticism is a built in "reflex" in my system. Quite odd really.

people are amusing. not totally interesting, but quite amusing. if i were an alien life form who was sent here to observe humans, i'd probably be crazy. why? cos humans are just plain weird.
people tend to hurt themselves quite a lot. take loving for example. people labeled "attachment" as love. some stupid asses even labeled "fucking" as love. love is ambiguous and quite disruptive. many a slumbooks ask the famous "what is love" question. no one gets the correct answer. (except the dumbass who wrote this down : "love is a four letter english word." nice going einstein.) It's a lot of fun to think about how love works. I myself am still trying to grasp the whole concept. But this blog aint about me or her, this is about people in general (i got the "GENERAL" idea from you).

Let's face it love hurts. it hurts during the time frame, after and even before. It has many cases.

1) he loves her,she has problems, no one talks, they marry-divorce, then leave the kids to die.
2)he loves her, she loves another him, he stops dead in his tracks and takes all the pain.
3)he loves her, she never loved him, he still allegedly loves her, she doesn't care.
4)he doesnt love her, she thinks he loves her, they try to compromise. she kills him.
5)he does love her, she loves him back, he lives in france, she lives in indonesia. internet. tsk tsk
6)he loved her, she screwed up, he rejects her, she becomes famous, he loves him again.
7)he loves him, she loves him, she loves her, he loves her, what are they?
8)he loves her body, she loves his muscles, they fuck, she has a baby, he denies it, she proves it, he accepts , they wed, they break up, fight over the kid, she takes the top half, he takes the legs
9)he loves her, she doesnt say a word, he's confused, she assures him a little, he's still quite hesitant, she still hasn't declared her feelings, he waits, she holds, (this one's open-ended)
10)he loves her, she loves another she, he falls for the her that she has eyes for and they eventually fuck each other in a hot tangle of three bodies. usual porn flick.

blah.

2004-08-06T23:12:00.000+08:00

i hate my internet connection. it sucks big time. why? a poem was written a few minutes ago. upon clicking on "publish" the whole entry vanished. oh hell. anyway...im in my writing mode anyway so its fine.

here we go again...

-the redo undo theory-

blink think blink think
another second ticks tick tick
time passes quick quick quick
no time to waste think think think
drink a lot of water drink drink drink
i like the sound of "blink"
hear it aloud BLINK BLINK BLINK!
why are you ready this stupid thing?
ur wasting time! tick tick tick!
dont just read, think think think!
and dont forget to drink drink drink
drink water everyday.
undo.
redo.
undo.
redo.
ctrl-z.
now THAT was a really weird theory.
getche()
whoops....
didn't get it?
oh well...

-out

nearly perfect...

2004-08-05T21:46:00.000+08:00

today went pretty good.
[time check: 09:59pm]

woke up at 5:45am. later than intended (again).
stood up.took a bath.got dressed.brushed teeth. ate. brushed teeth. routine-ish.
my dad drove me to the station. some lectures and discussions on his views on life. routine-ish.
bought a new ticket. inserted it in the slot. rode the escalator and boarded the train. routine-ish.
arrived sleepy at legarda. stepped off the train. jeepney ride to morayta. fell in line. routine-ish.
entered campus grounds. walked. walked. walked. stopped. bag check. elevator ride. routine-ish.
walked. glanced at my watch. noticed im late (again). entered classroom. somethings different...
routine broken.
yes.

[FILone - 07:00-9:00am]

i was quite bothered by the scene. oh no. i thought i wouldn't be allowed to join in. the class formed a huge circle in the room's center. i was about to go and sit on the side when my prof asked me to sit beside her. I felt quite uneasy. She took a yellow sheet of paper. It was my poem. (I'm gonna post that stupid poem after she gives it back). I thought to myself, "I'm gonna be asked to explain it!". She read the poem to the class. A few kids from that bunch slightly caught the idea behind the poem, but although my prof acknowledged "correct" interpretations, nothing they said could convince me otherwise. The poem was simply about being trapped. I'll write my explanation when I post it. Anyway, class ends.

[MATtri (geom) - 09:15-11:15am]

prof dadiz rolled in with his handy projector. we didn't use it today. seatwork on three dimensional axes. nothing complicated. finished seatwork in less than an hour. asked for permission to leave early. granted. as always. dismissed at 10:45am

[11:15am - 04:00pm]
5 hours magic break. nuff said.

[COMarts1 - 04:00pm-06:00pm]
disturbing. i left the shop at quarter to 4pm. arrived at room301 at 4:15pm. no one in the room. not one single soul. holy crap. another absence by me or by my prof? who cares? to the batcave!

[04:30pm]
back at shop. played. won. lost. beat some cats and their master. unleashed hell. let loose some crazy inmates. sold cards. waited. waited. rem arrived with domeng. we were ready to leave.

[06:00pm]
rem and domeng fetched sarj. i waited at dunkin donuts. airconditioned. comfortable. then all four of us went home.

fast forward....
[blog writing]

quite a typical day. it felt good to be praised for creativity. i really liked that poem.
a boy and a box. im the boy, life is the box. next time u'd understand.
quoting amanda bynes... "EVENTUALLY!!!!"

-out!

another thing. saw SJE's wacky class picture. a smile breaks, and then sadness. i miss my pals...

to the batcave!

2004-08-04T22:29:00.000+08:00

I miss high school. Sometimes I get really upset when I realize how distant each of us has become. I donâ€™t even recall the last time I had the chance to talk with Dick. Earlier today I had a chance to chat with Jethro through YM. He now lives in Canada. We talked about high school and all the stupid things we did back then. We both miss those days. I remember recess. Weâ€™d always sit on the bleachers and just laugh about everything. It was fun. His winamp was set to â€œauto-repeatâ€� playing shimmer by fuel. It was dickâ€™s favorite song.

"too far away for me to hold...
too far away for me to hold...
guess Iâ€™ll let it go..."

I realized how depressing the song really was. The whole thought of it gave me a shlumpy mood. I wanted to just lie down and remember every detail, or re-live it if possible. I could only wish...

So I ran off to the mall.

To the batcave!

a poem, a picture & a few notes

2004-08-04T08:47:00.000+08:00

unlike most mornings, today was quite awkward. why? cos i remembered a dream. it was a long dream. a little bit longer than normal. it was weird. i'd really like to share the details but i think i'll save this one to myself (it's not THAT kind of dream). Anyway, it struck me hard. Anyway, let's move on to another subject. (bitin no?)

i love playing text twist. i was playing a while back. who am i kidding. there's nothing interesting or enticing about that stupid game. message alert message alert. who could it be? hmm...

i need a c++ program.

this is a crappy post.

-out