oh shoot. i forgot something. how am i supposed to write it down if i forgot bout it. dont ask. anyway, whiff....dunno where to begin...today was normal. no that's not right. today i missed her. once in a while id look at my phone and wish that there was a message or even a missed call sign there. nothing. i know that iv prepared myself for this, but it seems that it didnt work. it hurts. it pulls me down. its sad. no blaming though. i understand the situation. its hard but iv foreseen it. sometimes i search for answers. eventually i stop because i cant find any. i dont know what my problem is. its just so hard to trust. im so scared. in fact, im a f**kin chicken.  this is exactly the kind of loneliness that i couldn't even begin to think about, much less bare.  is there such a thing as being accustomed to missing someone? i hope not. i missed her a lot today...a lot...sigh...she txted me a while back, i felt a lot better...she had an emergency meeting and batteries died...i understand...i replied...waiting for reply....waiting...waiting...waiting...miss call....she's probably asleep...hope so...im gonna sleep too...hope anxieties fade...watch hellsing, its a  morbid vampire-killing demon-hunting fun. enjoy.... hope there's a message wating for me in the morning...hoping...hoping...waiting...waiting...

-out