OH well...apparently nothing...
 
one of my favorite lines from A Perfect Circle's song entitled Three Libras. Iv just recently read it's lyrics.  It was as usual a little bit confusing, much like EAP (ed allan poe) poems.  it boggles me but then yesterday and just now it hit me again. it's hard when people don't seem to listen, when people don't seem to care. it's depressing to be ignored. when ur feelings dont seem to matter. iv always hated the feeling...
 
bullies.
parents are bullies. a lot of times, parents push their kids into a corner and threaten them with odd punishment and reduced allowances. i remember one time when i felt like a cookie in front of em. why a cookie? cos i felt like a cookie inside a cookie jar. no place to go. no mind. no ability to speak. waiting to be devoured by my own self pity. it sucks.
 
every family has its turmoils and misunderstandings. iv always silently thanked God for my own family. although it isn't perfect, somehow my parents have shown that they respect me. they make me believe that i am someone. and that matters. it matters a lot. it's sad because there are kids who are more worthy to have a family like mine. sometimes i feel really guilty...
 
iv always hated bully parents. i remember esca. his dad was a fuckin moron. a man so obsessed about his son's safety that he'd strap him in a straight jacket, cover his son's face and lock him up in the basement stockroom if all this weren't illegal. a fuckin paranoid faggot. i love my father. iv always wished esca did too. and i know that he does, but to what extent and degree, i dont know. i dont even think he'd ever forgive his dad for being a jerk. weltsh, he's a good guy. intelligent, brilliant, has his own set of principles, sensitive to others, trustworthy friend (i mean it), and a soft spoken listener. i reckon that he's always been a listener. its amazing how he keeps it up. iv always answered back, and slapped in the face for even attempting. but at least i got my points through...but always, i would reflect on what i said after the storm passes and i'd eventually realize that somehow, i too was narrow-minded. i hate hearing good guys being pushed down. if his oppressors only knew how difficult it is to shut up when you know that you didnt do anything bad, they probably throw theirselves down on their knees and beg for forgiveness. fuck it i hate this. sometimes iv been tempted to call a friend's parents just to shout at them. "hoy ipapaalam ko lang ho sa inyo na MABUTING TAO ung ANAK nyo. baka ho kase kayo na lang ang hindi nakakaalam." i remember ernest, he cried in front of me because he lost his wallet. shallow i know. but he cried because he lost something that was given to him by his mom. i then implied that his mom means the world to him. he cried because he didnt want to disappoint her. but then, how many times have they disappointed us? i remember ed, he was a model kid in our inner circle. he always loved his parents, and his parents loved him back. i was shocked when he said something like, "buti ka nga e, hindi mo kelangan magpaka-GOOD boy kase kilala ka ng parents mo dahil kasama mo sila buong buhay mo. ako, baka nga hindi nila ko kilala kase buong buhay ko nasa ibang bansa sila...baka madisappoint sila sakin" Grrr.....
 
i dont know how to end this post. iv always had a hard time giving advice when it comes to family matters. its hard to tell a person being oppressed to just hang on.  it would be like telling a beaten boxer to still enter the ring even if he's already sweating blood. it would be a massacre.  So i'll say this, to every kid out there who's being bullied by their parents, pray for strength. pray that you'd endure your situation. pray for guidance. just pray. at least HE will always listen,listen as you always have, and never say anything back. no arguments. just Love.
 
-out