etching images on crimson glass

Friday, July 23, 2004

Its been a while since the last time. You're probably wondering. I am too. There are reasons. Lack of time. Lack of Motivation. Lack of problems. Lack of funds. Lack of bad days. Yep, most of them have been good. How fortunate for me. Great Song by the way. Im still absorbed by her...a really special feeling...and she will be loved...she will be...even from afar...this calls for poetry...I still cant grasp the full extent of her sudden appearance in my life. Unexpected. Pleasantly unexpected. Just In time...perfect... im still afraid. Afraid to get hurt. Afraid of the loneliness that lingers. Im still holding back. I don't want to but I am holding back. I didn't know I could type without looking at the keyboard. Im gonna see you tomorrow...im gonna see you again...I must...I simply must...simplicity. That is the dilemma. I simply wish to be with you always. I wish I could be with you always...not exactly always cos that would be impossible. I wish I could be with you a lot more. A lot more. Im writing non-sense. Well I guess this has been my trademark. Back to simplicity. I simply want you in my life. I want you to be the biggest part of it. Ah why this anxiety? Am I afraid to commit? Or am I afraid of all the practicalities? Is it not a bad decision for both of us? Should we be? Like heavenly bodies we spin. Spin in perfect harmony. Utter closeness. Yet impossibly far from each other. To see your face, to touch it, such a simply request. No feeling is greater than this. No fear is greater than this. I know that you are scared too. I want to reassure you, in fact i've already assured you, there will be no one else. Intellect tells me to wait, but the feeling resents delay. Such a dilemma...headache...toothache...finally a heartache...all this from a feeling of sudden warmth...such a beauty...such a gift...such a wonderful thing...fluttering bright in the dimmest of nights...basking me in light...flutter bright little firefly...flutter bright...



| || ?!? || materialized 11:30 PM

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and then there was me.
an ambitious kid wandering alone in this train wreck called life.
fascinated by inanimate things and dastardly gaps in time.
wondering why the possibility of finding happiness
seems as slim a chance as finding penguins in the dessert.
he laughs.
laughs in mockery. laughs in fear. laughs in anger.
but his favorite laughter is that which hides the gloom
which has evolved from being an acquaintance to an intimate friend.
such is the demise of an observer trapped inside a toppled box.
ensconced inside a niche of shadows,
he laughs aloud just to drown the deafening silence

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