its a blur. everything is a blur. today was different.today was weird.well in any case, it wasn't ordinary.
i remember waking up today seeing "5 messages" in my cellphone and a missed call icon on the upper right (or left - i didnt really notice and if i did i wouldn't have taken note of it too) of it's screen.
initial reaction: wow! five f*ckin messages at 3am! someone must be in an emergency to have sent so many messages. anyway, i ignored it. im a big procrastination fan and besides, my eyes still hurt. to my utmost astonishment (not to mention disappointment) it wasn't from annuel or from fuschia (i still commend rem for this nickname), it was *gulp* from ten. anyway, i could care less about the content but it irritated me just the same (although a part of me actually let out a small smile-just a twitch near the cheek). it said something mushy. something about regretting what happened. oh yeah as if i would actually believe that she meant it. wahaha. [sarcasm] i couldve just let it pass like the other times but i think i was actually bothered this time. curiousity, i think, is the most probable reason why i replied to her. i think a part of me wanted to see if anything had changed. i wanted to know if i could trust her again. i wanted to know if i could last a minute without getting irritated. i wanted to see if a scar had formed over the wound. alas, no scars. it bled. it bled because of disappointment.

a few tips

first, you SHOULD reply if you were the one who happens to have sent the first message

second, dont talk f*ckin nonsense.

third, dont pretend to be a news anchor. i dont need updates on other people's lives.

fourth, be sensitive to the way the message was written.

avoid feeling too comfortable because it makes me uncomfortable,
got it? get it? good.
shit. i didnt wanna do this. seriously. i hate feeling this way, specially about someone who played a huge and important role in my life (once). this makes me sick. grr.is this just another one of your f*ckin games? damn you. someone help...