go blind.

black blue green and white, oh and red too.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

normal. i hope. whew. talk about feeling neutral. my disposition this morning is somewhat "purgatorious" nice. haha today is PIO's birthday. my tooth and nail is finally working as it should. splashed white and red. wrath and fireball. hahaha i guess u dont have a clue again. magic stuff. i had a date last saturday.. =) it was really fun =) i enjoyed it a lot...problem is...i felt that old feeling of bitter loneliness afterwards...i guess it cant be avoided. it would be cowardice to sidestep the longing that comes with the affection. sometimes i just want to sit in a corner and think about my life and what i want to do with it. it's a bit silly to try and make someone happy when you know that you're not. im writing this to partly say sorry because i still think that it would be better to try and make distance...i guess im really just a coward behind the big talking/....

-out

| || ?!? || materialized 9:23 AM

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and then there was me.
an ambitious kid wandering alone in this train wreck called life.
fascinated by inanimate things and dastardly gaps in time.
wondering why the possibility of finding happiness
seems as slim a chance as finding penguins in the dessert.
he laughs.
laughs in mockery. laughs in fear. laughs in anger.
but his favorite laughter is that which hides the gloom
which has evolved from being an acquaintance to an intimate friend.
such is the demise of an observer trapped inside a toppled box.
ensconced inside a niche of shadows,
he laughs aloud just to drown the deafening silence

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