burp.

just had a chicken fillet sandwhich, frosty, large iced tea and fries. sarap.

anyway, today started out bad. uber bad. woke up 10am with a new message alert from my trusty nokia 3210 smart phone. i half expected the message to be from who i thought it would be from. and it was from who i expected it to be from. (wow tricky tenses). it took a concious effort to suppress the frustration but i prevailed. a little steam got out though. i started to get pissed after this line:

"is that too much to ask? akala ko ok ka na. i still care"

nyak. as if i give a damned about how "caring" she wants to be. there i go again, being the fuckin frustrated bully that i am. no. i am not that. i am just angry. i hate being angry. i hate being angry because im not like that. im better at being cheerful and fun and light headed. she brings out my demons. sometimes i just wanna tell her every hurtful thought that i could muster but then pity steps on the brakes. we had so much before. i would've been her most reliable friend.

too bad.

JUST FUCKIN LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i wrote something for her during finals week:

fuck. i left it at home.

oh well. some other time then.

basta im frustrated right now. dont fuckin get in my way.


-out.

-eviL



ps:

> i quit my AUTOCAD job a day after my first day. screw them. they dont have the right to waste my fuckin time. nobody wastes my fuckin time.

>i cant train tux. he's just too stubborn to learn. damned dog. i still love em though.

>i havent been playing Final Fantasy lately simply because its too time consuming, plus i get intimidated by the thought of being unable to fully complete the game.

>MIDNIGHT CLUB DUB VERSION rocks.

>im a friggin workaholic. im working for dad.

hello kids! i know, i know, i said that i wouldn't be around for a while, but boredom got the better side of things so here i am.

kaput.

Last saturday was wicked man! hahaha! i got so fuckin wasted cos i was running around checkin on guests after shots of vodka, tequila and dead horse. grabe man, i had a blasted hangover. there were only about 25 people nung saturday. it was better that way. remo and emman weren't able to come. emman is such a poor liar. haha! kupal ung isang un. si remo nahiya yata kase he didnt have enough cash, pero dapat sumama pa rin siya.

nicole came. inaasar cia nung ibang CE. i cant quite understand why i feel a sense of chivalry whenever they pick on her. its not like im interested or anything but i really feel comfortable when she's around. its probably just the THEORY acting up. I didnt know most of the girls there. carmela was there too but she's not exactly a girl. hehe :D

charles was quiet. siguro naiilang. pero i knew that he could pretty much handle himself. ayos naman. masaya masaya. galing pala sa TEKKEN nun. ninyo was also there. nagkaligawligaw pa si tanga. hehe comedy. pero sarap din kwento. playboy pala un. hhaaha pero di na daw ngaun. stig.

hhhmmmmm, what else...nga pala, im gonna get my classcards tomorrow. sana may JEEP na. then i'll start working on wednesday. i have a feeling that im gonna regret that job. sana wag. sana may sweldo. 8am ung start daily. damned. =S im getting myself in trouble...


a basta! kaya un!

-out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-eLiv


ps>>>
i almost forgot. mom's planning to buy a new PC for herself (pero malamang ako pa rin ang gagamit nun! hahaha!) tapos magpapakabit na ng PLDT DSL! wahoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nice nice!
tsaka approved na nina ASHLEY at MITCH ung YM invite ko! :D
sings: sana, dalawa ang puso ko..... wakakakaka! :D

wahoo! exempted from surveying FINALS! :D nice nice!

anyway, hey kids i wont be able to "blog" as much cos its summer break (finally)

summer plans:

- TRAIN TUX

- SUMMER JOB (ALA Computer something - ACAD operator)

- REST

- BE A BETTER SWIMMER

- SLEEP MORE

- FINISH 5 PS2 GAMES

- REST MORE

- REST MUCH MUCH MORE

- SOUL SEARCHING



that's the list. hope i'd be able to accomplish at least two

good luck to me.


- summer out!

-eLiv


ps: if ever i get a job, id probably be able to continue blogging if they've got an internet connection.

sana.

chowder has been sold. sad...
inevitability has won yet again.
ugh...i felt really bad last night when we were trying to put him in a box. it felt as if a body part was being taken away. i like that dog. he's the last puppy sold. i liked that dog.

hai...writing about it just makes it worse...

sana makilala niya pa ko pag dinalaw ko cia..till next time chows...

-out...


-eLiv ~sad~

Life concluded by a bunch of jumbled letters


I smiled a smile as wide as a rainbow
as i threw myself out the window
i was a bit surprised that i was still alive
after falling from such a considerable height

the broken glass tore up my skin
as soon as the wood went through my shin
the metal grills almost hit my thighs
too bad they went straight through my eyes

i found it a bit too hard to breath
after swallowing almost all my teeth
i guess enamel isn't that strong
teeth and rocks just dont go along

a while ago i was screaming in pain,
a natural reaction of a bleeding brain
whose bright idea was it anyway
to leave a rake right here where i lay

the rib cage is such a wondrous invention
with the noble task of organ protection
its supposed to guard my fragile heart
not wound it or pierce it or tear it apart

i think i dislocated one of my shoulders
after the collision with the garden boulders
now im shaking from a terrible trauma
so this is how it feels to enter a coma

now all i can see is a shiny bright light
with blotches of red and a tinge of white
no hard feelings, no regrets whatsoever
life is good but it doesn't last forever

-out!


-eLiv (12:30a-1:20am april 12, 2005)

ps>>> ung picture sa taas is my death's color.

eto ang aso ko.
ang pangalan nya ay tux (tiger tux ang kanyang rehistradong ngalan).
isa siyang american bulldog.
mahal ko ang asong ito.

nakakatuwa si tux.
sobrang mabait at maamo.
malikot nga lang pag nakalabas dahil halos palagi siyang nakakulong.
mahal ko ang asong to dahil hindi cia papansin gaya nina keena, hershey at kimy.
tahimik lang cia sa isang tabi.
mahilig siyang tumitig sa kanyang amo.
mabagal siyang gumalaw gaya ko.
simple siyang kumilos dahil hindi cia insecure.
hindi nya kailangan ng gaanong pansin para mabuhay.
solb na cia sa pahiga-higa sa hawla at sa pag dila sa aking kamay.
mabait ang asong ito.
madali siyang paliguan.
hindi cia mabaho gaya ng nakararaming aso.
napaka-gwapo ng kapangitan niya.
it suits him very well.
matapang si tux kahit na tunog ipis ang tahol nya minsan.
dati nga nag-amok sia dahil hindi nya ako namukaan isang gabi.
akala nya magnanakaw ako kaya siya nagalit.
mapaglaro si tux.
hindi siya harot, pero minsan OA din dahil excited.
alam nya na mahal ko cia dahil hindi cia takot sa akin kahit na inaambaan ko cia ng palo.
ayaw nyang ginagamot ang sugat nya.
masokista cia dahil lumalabas ung THINGY nya kapag pinapaluan cia nang tatay ko ng langaw.
isa na rin siyang tito/tatay.
mabilis mapagod si tux dahil malaki cia.
nung nagpunta kami sa dogshow, behave cia.
hindi cia anti-social gaya ng ibang aso dahil hindi nya sila tinatahulan kahit na mailip sila sa kanya.
pasensyoso si tux.
hindi cia napipikon sa mga tuta, o kahit kay hershey.
magalang si tux at may respeto cia sa bisita.
hindi cia nangangagat kung hindi mo ko kakagatin.
halos kwadrado ang ulo ng aso ko.
tahimik si tux dahil hindi siya pala-tahol.
macho ang boses ni tux kapag galit cia.
malinggit ang boses nya pag nagpapa-awa.
gusto nyang kainin ang pamangkin kong si pio.
mahal niya ang pamilya namin.
mabilis siyang kumain.
gustong-gusto nyang kinakamot ang ilalim ng bibig nya (gaya ng nasa larawan).
hinding hindi ko siya ipagbibili.
mahal na mahal ko ang asong ito.
hinding hindi ko siya pababayaan.
kahit hindi ko siya lubos na naaalagaan, alam nya na hindi ko siya hahayaang mapahamak.
tumalon ako mula sa tumatakbo naming STRADA nung mapansin kong muntik na siyang masakal dahil sa pagkakabigti sa tali nya.
sinagip ko cia.
sinagip ko cia kahit mapanganib.
sinagip ko cia kahit na mapahamak ako.
sinagip ko cia dahil alam ko na kung ako ang nanganib at may magagawa cia, sasagipin nya rin ako.
sinagip ko cia dahil mahal ko cia.
mahal ko ang aso ko.
kung ganon lang ang pagmamahal, bakit pagdating sa tao, napaka-kumplikado?

isip.

(aba, naging tula. biruin mo nga naman.)

hehehe this is a test post from flickr. hehehe :D hope this works! this a mugshot from a drinking session with my cousins. stooped!

I am afraid of the water.

When I say that I’m afraid of the water, I’m not referring to small puddles, rain, shower water, or crystal clear potable water. I’m talking about huge, vast, overwhelming amounts water. I could’ve just said that I was afraid of the ocean or of the sea, but “water” really hits the spot.

It’s an eerie fascination on my part to be deftly afraid of LBW’s (Large Bodies of Water). I can’t really describe the exact feeling, but it comes very close, asymptotic even, to helplessness. When I was a kid, I was so afraid of our huge water drum. I remember this one incident when I accidentally dropped the soap into that seemingly bottomless abyss of a drum. I got so scared of the thought of being asked to get it that I began to cry silently inside the bathroom. The fear of submerging my hand into that void was just so overwhelming that my primal instincts kicked in, causing me to run in panic out of our bathroom. It felt like seeing the gates of hell.

Most people enjoy the sea, the ocean breeze, the therapeutic effects of saltwater, the sand in their shorts. I, on the other hand, despise it. My body even reacts automatically to the slightest hint of a beach outing by instantly coming up with an alibi not to go. But alas, no alibis work against the mighty will of my parents and their promise of a so-called quality family time which will only end up as being this bizarre scene where I endlessly whine while mom barks orders, dad discourses his views of life, ate and bayaw argue about some insignificant affair and ace and ate mai enjoy the water and their innate indifference. The last time that I was dragged to one of these outings wasn’t any different. I promised myself that I absolutely would not jump into the water. And as the saying goes, promises really are meant to be broken. With goggles on my eyes, and fear in my heart, I leapt into the water, I entered hell. As much as I am fascinated with man’s ingenuity and scientific achievements, I couldn’t help wondering how good it would feel to pound the hell out of the person who invented goggles. I fuckin saw the seafloor and it didn’t help one bit. I was so scared that I climbed onto the floating house with haste brought about by absolute terror. Being underwater shook me. It felt like being swallowed alive by a gargantuan beast. I was in despair, I felt sad, scared, helpless, I got a taste of death and it’s bitterness haunts me till this day. That was the third time in my adult life that I cried out of fear (the other two times are not related to water).

So I guess I really am hydrophobic, hydrophobic in a mild sense. But as much as I would like to blame the water for the intense fear that it triggers in me, I know that fear is still just fear and that water isn’t really what I fear but rather, it’s just the key that opens my “doom” box. The realization bit helps, but I’d prefer having someone get rid of my water demons. Think John Constantine.

-out!

-eLiv ~scared~

wow. iv been delaying again. last thursday pa pala ung last post.

anyway,


~friday~
friday wasn't anything special. in fact, it was a bit crappy. PE finals. stupid dance was over before anyone took notice. haha, all that practice ended up being insanity food.

~saturday~
saturday was the big TAGAYTAY surveying day. the fuckin bus was so crappy that u'd have to go through hell to appreciate the cramped space allotted (tama daw spelling according to welshmerks) for each person. damned. my legs killed me that day. arrived at the subdivision a few minutes over the expected time of arrival. we went right to it.

i was a bit irritated because of the "excitement" of one of my group mates. bad trip dude. he was like "ako na dito, ako na, do that, do this, blah blah". It shocked me. I didnt think that he'd have the nerve. But it didnt really stir anything up, until he made a fuckin mistake. we had to repeat three full procedures just to acquire the correct data. damned. he layed off after what he did. I became the leveler/slash/tapeman. the sun didnt cooperate and the tagaytay winds were on a day off that day. end result? burned skin, sweaty shirt and blood stricken nose.

good thing that everyone wasn't as fucked up. i guess everyone still had fun cos sir godo was trippin at tristan's expense. haha. it was a hefty laughin trip indeed. tamang stress reliever. i really enjoyed the company that day. we headed for the bus as soon as the last group finished their activities. tired, dirty and hungry, we headed straight for people's park (im not really sure if this was indeed the place) to eat. I headed out with adulfo as soon as the we were let out. I would soon regret this move. Washed ourselves clean and then went out to find food. I wandered aimlessly at that fuckin park. I was lookin for some people kaso i wasnt able to find them. soon enough though, someone told me that the people i was lookin for had a few drinks kaya pala nawala. damned! i thought, tanina sayang! ansaya sana nun! fucked up.

went home at 4pm. the bus ride home was mildly entertaining. i forgot how sick i was. nino was playin tricks with everyone's IQ while nicole and I had a friendly chitchat bout a lot of senseless things. I was barely thinkin the whole time cos I was preoccupied with the fuckin headache. pero it was fun. learnded a lot and really did enjoy the company.

went straight home after arriving at FEU.

tried to rest ASAP. but then i remembered the subic trip that was scheduled for sunday. damned. didnt wanna go so i decided to be sick that night. hehe. tricks.

~sunday~
woke up late after a good night's sleep. sarap. after doin the usual shit, i decided to be a good boy and start working on my surveying plan. that's that. we went to podium in the afternoon. nothin special. ate shabu shabu.

~monday~
typical day, studied till 12:30 midnight for my surveying quiz at 7:45 the next day.

~tuesday~
yikes. today is tuesday. i woke up at 8:00am. fuck. i'm not gonna make it. i didnt make it.

blah.

yahoo rocks men.

that's that.


-out!


-eLiv

ps> bought myself a flash drive. cool din.